Time and time again, certain people may find themselves in bad situations with toxic people. And while it can be easy to say “It must just be my fate,” there are reasons as to why we attract negative people and ways to prevent it in the future.
A long time ago, I kept finding myself in friendships with people who would ultimately betray me, or cause me harm, and I believed that it was just my fate and that I was some sort of narcissist whisperer. I just couldn’t understand why I kept falling for the same thing over and over again, and honestly, it was making it hard for me to trust anyone.
And then one day it occurred to me that, as hard as it was to admit, I was the reason that toxic people kept coming into my life and taking advantage of me. I was inadvertently allowing myself to be taken advantage of, and it was really starting to take its toll.
With that being said- please know that I understand that in some cases, it’s impossible to avoid being hurt by a toxic person. I am not saying that in certain cases, it’s beyond our control. However, when it continues to happen over and over again, it’s best to understand what attracts these types of people, so you can stop and set boundaries. Since I recognized that I was attracting toxic people and allowing them to destroy my peace, it’s been much easier to delegate my time to the people that truly care about me, and stop wasting time on those that would inevitably do me harm.
Here are 5 ways you may inadvertently be attracting toxic people.
1. You are an endless people-pleaser.
While it’s noble to try to make people happy, there are limitations to this. You cannot please everyone, and while it’s one thing to do good and be kind when you constantly go above and beyond and destroy your own peace to make others happy, you will attract people that take advantage. Start listening to your boundaries and tune into your intuition. It will guide you away from this if you listen.
2. You try to fix everyone.
Repeat after me: you are not a people mechanic! You are not responsible for fixing everyone else. While it can be a good thing at times to try to help the people you love, do not go out of your way to fix everyone. Choosing to help someone that you love that’s in a tough spot is one thing- but you have to choose wisely, otherwise, you’ll get taken advantage of.
3. You are afraid of confrontation.
No one likes confrontation, but sometimes, you have to stand up for yourself and set boundaries. You cannot say yes to everyone, and some people will take, take, take until you tell them no. Learn when enough is enough, and understand that asserting your boundaries is not the same as being aggressive about them.
4. You’re too generous with your time.
Being generous is not a bad thing- but much like anything, there have to be limits. Without limits, generosity can easily grow out of control and bad people look for ways to take advantage. Your time is valuable- don’t spend it going out of your way for the wrong people.
5. You are too nice.
Kindness is a wonderful thing- and there isn’t anything wrong with being nice or being a kid. However, there is most definitely such a thing as being too nice or too kind, and that happens when boundaries are not put in place. While you may feel like it’s noble to be nice to everyone all the time, it isn’t logical. While we want to see the best in everyone- in many cases, there isn’t good in everyone, and not everyone has good intentions. Learn to make people earn your trust and respect.