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If you have ever been in a long-term relationship, then you already know that at one point or another, the same fight is going to circle back around again. It happens- but the question is, why does it happen?

Having the same argument come up time and time again is at the very least disheartening. At its very worst- it can be downright toxic. I can not tell you how many times this has happened to me and my first thought was “Are we going to make it?” It’s a scary feeling like you cannot find a resolution with the person you love most. Repeated arguments only add more stress to a relationship. And the only way to get to the bottom of things is to understand WHY your arguments keep making it full circle.

Here are 5 reasons why couples continue to have the same arguments.

1. There is a deeper issue at hand.

A recurring argument can mean many things, but it can also indicate that there are major core differences between you and your partner. While many conflicts can be resolved, if the two of you are not on the same page and do not have the same goals in mind-you are going to keep facing off until one of you changes, and honestly, I wouldn’t count on that.

2. Your expectations need adjusting.

If you have the same argument arising in relationship after relationship, it can mean one of two things: either you are attracting the same wrong person time and time again, or you need to adjust your expectations. Try writing down what has happened and what your expectations are, and ask someone who will be honest with you what their take is.

3. There is NO real revolution taking place.

When two people fight, and then act like the fight never happened, the fight does not go away. It’s much like placing a band-aid over a hole in the side of a pool. It might for a moment stop it from leaking, but eventually, the water is going to blow the band-aid off. If your partner refuses to find common ground with you- or if you do with them-this can be a real problem.

4. You simply aren’t right for one another.

I know this isn’t what you would like to hear, but two people who are not right for one another are going to find it difficult to resolve conflict. Put simply, if you are two different people with two different sets of beliefs, values, etc, it isn’t likely that you are going to be able to resolve the conflicts before you.

5. You are both fighting for your ego-not for resolution.

During a fight with your partner, you can take one of two stances: you can never back down and fight because you believe you are right, or you can level with your partner and compromise. This is simply how relationships work. If you are fighting to be right and for your ego-you aren’t going to get anything resolved.