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Communication is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship. However, not everything that can be said should be said—especially via text. Texting lacks the nuances of tone and facial expression, making it easy for messages to be misinterpreted. Here are five types of messages you should think twice about before hitting send to maintain harmony and respect in your relationship:

Anything Important During an Emotional High

When emotions run high, whether anger, frustration, or even overwhelming joy, it’s easy to send messages that you might regret later. Texting during an emotional peak can lead to miscommunications or statements that are too blunt or hurtful. If you’re feeling charged about something, it’s better to wait until you can have a face-to-face conversation. This allows for immediate feedback and ensures that your tone and intentions are clear. The 5 Love Languages” by Gary Chapman – This book is a great resource for understanding how different people express love differently, which can improve how you communicate affection in your relationship.

Criticism That Isn’t Constructive

Sending critical messages, especially about sensitive topics like personal habits or behaviors, can make your partner feel attacked and lead to defensiveness rather than productive change. Criticism over text doesn’t allow for a dialogue and can seem harsher than intended. Save feedback for a conversation where you can discuss and address issues constructively and supportively. Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life” by Marshall B. Rosenberg – Learn to express yourself clearly and receive others empathetically without resorting to harmful language or behavior.


“If you don’t do this, then…” can feel threatening and manipulative. Ultimatums push your partner into a corner and can erode trust and connection. Decisions made under duress are not likely to lead to genuine agreement or change. Discuss compromises and solutions openly rather than demanding them under threat.

Excessive Apologies

Over-apologizing, especially for every little thing, can be draining and may diminish the value of your words. While it’s important to own up to real mistakes and offer sincere apologies, overdoing it, especially via text, can burden your partner and make them feel like they need to constantly reassure you. Couple’s Therapy Workbook: 30 Guided Conversations to Re-Connect Relationships” by Kathleen Mates-Youngman – A practical workbook designed to help couples enhance their communication skills through guided exercises.

Breakup Messages

Ending a relationship is significant and can be profoundly upsetting. Doing so over text can feel impersonal, cowardly, and disrespectful. Unless the circumstances are extraordinary, breakups should be handled in person or at least over a phone call. This shows respect for the relationship and the time you’ve shared together.

Effective communication is about more than just exchanging information; it’s about fostering respect, understanding, and affection. Remember, texts are a tool for quick messages and fun exchanges, not for handling the heavy lifting in your relationship. When in doubt, talk it out—it’s usually the healthier choice for both of you.

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