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Back in the 1950s, John Bowlby, M.D., and Mary Ainsworth, Ph.D. realized a unique relationship between how a child relates to their parent in their earliest stage. Based on their work, when children do not properly bond with their parents, they end up with dysfunctional attachment styles, like avoidant attachments.

There are four main attachment styles: anxious, avoidant, disorganized, and secure. When a child is properly bonded to their mother or caregiver early on, they securely attach, and when their bond is somehow stunted, they may end up with one of the others. Anxious attachment styles cause people to be clingy, to be obsessive, and to be fearful constantly of losing their partner or doing something wrong. Avoidant attachment styles lead to people being extremely fearful of commitment and pulling back from emotional depth altogether.

Sadly, being with someone with an unhealthy attachment style can be extremely hurtful. Here are four signs that indicate an avoidant attachment style.

1. When the going gets good, he gets going.

People who are avoidant in their attachment style tend to have difficulty with commitment. Due to this, when things are going well in a relationship or a new partnership, they are likely to bail. To them, good means that they may get attached, and that means they could get hurt. So, instead of being able to feel safe and secure, they pull back.

2. They cling to the past.

Another tell-tell sign of an avoidant attachment is when you notice your partner is stuck in the past. You might find they have a history of this with past lovers. They may collect past love interests on their socials, and you may even hear them constantly reminiscing about someone else.

3. They lack trust in anyone.

People with avoidant attachment styles tend to not trust others. Whenever you tell them you will do something, they will be suspicious. They will constantly be coming behind you, checking to see if you are lying to them or doing them wrong.

4. They are hot/cold.

The biggest sign to me is someone who is either all in or all out. One moment, they seem fine, and they may even talk about commitment. However, when it comes time to pay up, they run for the hills.