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Everyone who has been in a bad relationship has thought back and wished they had seen it coming. And no matter how many times we tell ourselves we should have seen it happening – we constantly regret not walking away before we were made to look like a fool.

If you are currently in this position, the first thing you should understand is that you are not a fool, and you weren’t bad to hope to see the best in someone when it wasn’t there. You are not the reason this person did you wrong, and above all; their actions are a reflection of their soul and not of anything you did or didn’t do. I wish a million times I had told myself the following when it was happening. I won’t say anymore harsh words to myself, but I thought that maybe, just maybe, my experience could help someone who is currently going through the same.

1. No one should ever make you cry more than they make you smile in a relationship.

We will all get upset in relationships, but when we spend more nights in tears than we do in embraces, then the relationship is going nowhere. And no one is worth more tears than laughs or smiles.

2. Anyone who makes you doubt yourself does not deserve you.

Someone who makes you feel bad about yourself and down on yourself is not someone who is meant to be your soulmate. Your true love will nurture your spirit and believe in you, no matter what.

3. If you feel like you cannot live without someone, no matter how horribly
they treat you, your relationship is not healthy.

It is not admirable to stay with someone and make it work when they do nothing but drag you down and hurt you. Codependency for someone who treats you terribly will never make them loyal to you, and will never mean that they will one day stop treating you badly.

4. 9/10 times, people do not change.

And if you are with someone that you want to change everything about, they are not for you. People don’t change unless they truly want to, and most of the time, even then, they won’t change.

5. If someone treats you like an afterthought, they do not love you.

It hurts to say this and to hear this, but someone who forgets about you, ignores you, and puts everyone else above you, does not love you. When people love you, they will make you a priority, and not an option.

6. Stop hanging onto ifs and whens.

Stop telling yourself, ‘If they would only do this,’ or ‘When they finally do this….’ It is what it is, and that is all it will ever be.

7. Stop wasting your time, you can do better.

No matter what, there is someone out there that will love you and treat you right. Nobody deserves to be treated like they are not worthy of love, especially by the person that is supposed to love them.

8. Understand that love does not look like this.

When we think of love, we think about our emotions and feelings and often forget reality. What is the reality of your relationship? Does it match the feelings you have? If not, it isn’t worth your time!

9. When we try to spare their feelings, we are only going to hurt them more in the long run.

If you have loved, but the relationship just isn’t working, you aren’t doing yourself any favors by staying with them. Eventually, you will part ways, and it will hurt that much more.

10. Someone who doesn’t respect you now, probably never will.

Does your partner respect you? If the answer is no, I am sorry to tell you, but it isn’t likely they will start. The way people treat others and the respect they do or don’t give you is a reflection of how they will likely always treat you and others.

11. When you are with someone that isn’t right for you, you are going to be
more lonely than if you were entirely alone.

Just because you have someone doesn’t mean you are going to feel less lonely. When you are with someone that isn’t right for you, you will likely feel more lonely when you are with them than you would if you were single.

12. If you doubt the relationship, it probably isn’t the right one.

When you encounter your first major doubt in a relationship, there will be more to follow. It may be time to tell yourself that if someone makes you doubt them in a relationship or a growing one, then there will be more doubts to come.

13. Having boundaries doesn’t make you a bad person.

Boundaries are normal in any relationship and all aspects of life. Sometimes, we have to say no, and there is nothing wrong with that. Saying ‘No, this isn’t working,’ doesn’t make you a bad person. When it’s time to move on, it’s time to move on.