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For the most part, when a relationship goes wrong, the vast majority of us can say that somewhere along the lines, there were signs. Unfortunately, because in the beginning, that initial spark can be so intense, we are often blinded to the red flags.

If you’ve gone through a bad relationship, then you already know how difficult that can be. Especially, when the spark is gone, and all you can see are the red flags that you missed. This can leave you feeling defeated. If you are still in the beginning stages of a relationship, and you are feeling a bit confused about whether or not it’s going to work out, then you’ve come to the right place.

Navigating the complexities of relationships can be challenging, especially when it comes to identifying early warning signs that a relationship might not last. For those seeking guidance and insight into maintaining healthy relationships and understanding when it may be time to reconsider a partnership, Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help YouFind – and Keep – Love” by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller provides a compelling look into how attachment styles can influence relationship dynamics. This book is a valuable resource for anyone who wants to understand their relationship patterns and how to foster a secure, loving connection.

Here are 13 early warning signs a relationship won’t last.

1. You try to change each other.

Relationships that we enter into only because of the potential of the other person, not for who they are, don’t typically end well. What happens, is that we see a few things we like in one another, but on a fundamental level we don’t match up. In turn, you end up trying to change one another to fit a mold you don’t already fit. This push/pull dynamic is extremely toxic.

2. Hanging out feels forced.

When you are together, it feels uncomfortable or like a chore. You don’t feel like you can open up with them, and you often have to force small talk to get things going. Honestly, it feels like more work than it is actual chemistry.

3. You don’t align on values.

It’s okay to not agree on everything. But, when it comes to core values and beliefs, things can get a little trickier. For the short term, you can put differences like these aside. However, if you are planning on being in a long-term relationship with someone, you need to agree at least on core beliefs and inherent values. Things like this include financial mindset, long-term goals, spiritual beliefs, etc.

4. You have no shared interests.

There again, you don’t have to have everything in common. But, there has to be some sort of backbone to the relationship in the form of shared interests. If the two of you hate each other’s hobbies and interests, things will get trickier the longer the relationship goes on.

5. They are extremely disrespectful.

If you notice that your partner is extremely disrespectful to others, this is a bad indicator of how they will likely eventually treat you. And if they are already showing signs of disrespect to you, this won’t likely change. Disrespect is a deal-breaker, and while at first, you may tolerate it, eventually it’s going to tear the relationship apart.

Additionally, The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts” by Gary Chapman offers a unique perspective on how individuals express and receive love differently. Understanding your partner’s love language, as well as your own, can be crucial in bridging gaps in communication and expectations. This book is highly recommended for couples at any stage in their relationship, providing practical advice on nurturing a deeper bond.

6. They run hot/cold.

Someone who is hot/cold is someone who may one day be all in, acting as though they are in love, but in the next moment they pull back and are cold and withdrawn. Not only is this painful, but it’s extremely confusing. And it’s another major red flag of a relationship that simply isn’t going to work.

7. Arguments feel like breakups.

Every couple argues, but when every argument makes you feel like you are on the verge of a breakup, this is a whole other level. Arguments in relationships should help us to reach common ground, or at the very least open up communication about problems that are arising. Toxic arguments, however, make you doubt the relationship entirely.

8. You feel the need to be someone else around them.

If you have to be someone else when you are around your partner, you are not in the right relationship. This is a sign that there isn’t much common ground, and it’s also a sign that fundamental differences are present. On top of that, if you are pretending to be someone you are not, the relationship has already begun on shaky ground.

9. They are unclear on their intentions.

In relationships, it’s important to be clear on where things are heading. Perhaps at first, it’s normal to be unclear on where it’s going. But, if you’ve been dating for a few months, and still can’t get a basic understanding of what the other person wants, this is a bad sign.

10. Your friends and family dislike them.

Our friends and family can often sense things about new people that we cannot. Where we are blinded, our friends and family are more hypervigilant. And while it is true that sometimes, they may be too protective over us, when the vast majority of the people you love don’t like the person you are with, it’s time to go.

11. They don’t know anything about you.

Relationships begin with a phase in which we get to know one another. So it can take time to fully get to know someone. But, to do this, we have to have a genuine interest in each other. If your new person doesn’t even ask about you, or how your day is, or anything like that, likely, they never will get to know you.

12. You have fundamental differences when it comes to kids.

While you don’t want to have kids right away, it’s good to gauge where each other stands on this topic for the future. When this question comes up if one of you wants kids and the other does not, this is an indicator that the connection simply isn’t going to work.

13. They test your patience, a lot.

If it’s just the beginning, and this person is already pushing all of your limits, it is going to get old fast. If they leave you hanging on reading for days, say rude remarks, and blow you off at the last minute, this is a major indicator that they do not want or are not equipped for a long-term connection.

Lastly, Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love” by Helen Fisher delves into the biological and evolutionary bases of love relationships. Understanding the science behind attraction and love can provide insights into why we choose certain partners and how to navigate the complexities of romantic relationships more effectively. This book is ideal for those interested in the psychology and science behind love, offering a fascinating glimpse into the forces that shape our most intimate connections.