When it comes to finding love, things can be pretty hard. The person we think we’re interested in can sometimes turn out to be the exact opposite of what we thought they were, and it can really make you regret trying at all.
To help navigate these tricky waters, consider delving into The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate by Gary Chapman. Understanding how you and your potential partner express love can be a game changer.
Below, I am going to go over some of the biggest things you should look for regarding finding a girlfriend. These are things that could either make or break a relationship and need to be considered long before the situation is defined at all in itself. The more attention you pay to these things, the more aware you will become regarding whether or not she might be a good fit for you.
12 Red Flags To Look For When Trying To Find The Right Girl:
1. She comes with too much baggage.
When it comes to dating, you should be looking for someone who fits in with your life. While some people are able to be with those who come with a lot of baggage, it’s not for everyone. You should consider the baggage before moving forward, no matter what. While it might be a bit frustrating, you shouldn’t dive into anything you’re not ready for.
2. She wants to move too fast.
If you’re looking for a girlfriend, you need to figure out how quickly you want things to move. You shouldn’t be diving into moving in with someone or trying to be with one another all the time if you think that you need space. Limit yourself properly and consider her needs when it comes to this kind of thing. If you don’t like clingy, perhaps allowing things to move too quickly is not a good idea.
3. You have nothing in common.
When you’re looking for a partner, you should be trying to find someone you have things in common with, right? If you cannot do anything together or are unable to really get things situated, sometimes finding someone who fits your life better is the best possible option. The more you have in common, the better.
For those who are interested in diving deeper into the science of relationships, Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find – and Keep – Love by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller is a fantastic read. It delves into attachment styles and how they impact romantic relationships.
4. She talks badly about her exes.
If she is talking badly about her exes, she will do the same about you once you’re out of the picture. Look at the things she says and the way she says them. The things of her past relationships can be lessons for you in a lot of ways moving forward.
5. She’s too dramatic.
If you are someone who likes to live a drama-free life, taking the time to figure out whether she’s overly dramatic is a good idea. She might be great and you might love being around her, but if she stresses you out and makes your life worse in this way, being with her is a terrible decision. You have to always do what is best for yourself.
Now, when it comes to setting boundaries and understanding your worth in a relationship, the humorously titled Why Men Love Bitches: From Doormat to Dreamgirl – A Woman’s Guide to Holding Her Own in a Relationship by Sherry Argov offers some compelling insights.
6. She doesn’t ever seem proud of you or to be around you.
If she doesn’t seem proud to be around you or proud of you in general at the moment, things won’t change once you define the relationship. You should be with someone who builds you up and makes you feel special. You as a lover deserve to be ‘on top of the world,’ period.
7. You just can’t carry a real conversation with her.
When it comes to being with someone, ‘talking’ is a big part of your day-to-day life. If you cannot converse with her at all, you’re not going to want to be around her much. This leaves your relationship lacking big time and ultimately leads to an end. Before getting in too deep, you should one hundred percent make sure you’re able to sit down and talk to her about, well, anything.
If communication is something you particularly value, Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love by Dr. Sue Johnson might be right up your alley. It provides tools to create and maintain deeply connected relationships.
8. She doesn’t seem to know how to admit when she is wrong.
If your potential girlfriend isn’t able to admit her wrongdoings, she shouldn’t be someone you move forward with. She as a person needs to be on the level where she is capable of growing when she makes mistakes, as do you. If one or both of you are incapable, things will not work.
9. Her friends are horrible.
You should always consider the people in the lives of those you’re willing to date. If their friends and family are people you’re not capable of really being around or dealing with, you need to make sure in the long-run she’s not being closed off. Everyone should be properly taken care of within your relationship. If her friends suck, and you can’t get over it, you shouldn’t pursue her further.
When you’re dating someone or thinking about dating someone, you should always get to know them. If your values and hers do not add up properly, and you cannot get over those differences, you should not even waste one another’s time. You cannot change the person you are, and neither can she. Perhaps in this situation, friendship is a better thought for the two of you to have.
Sure, she might seem perfect but if she isn’t able to take feedback be it positive or negative properly she’s going to get on your nerves a lot. No one wants to be with someone who shuts them out when they speak their mind or voice their opinion in general. You have to be able to really talk to one another as noted above and that is something you cannot compromise on.
If she is cold to the people around her, whether she knows them or not, she is dealing with things within that you might not want to dive into. Sure, we all get cranky from time to time, but there is a lot more to it than that. Is her anger and ‘rudeness’ something that bothers you? Can you handle things properly?
While some of these things might not be dealbreakers for everyone, most of them will be for a lot of people. How do the things above make you feel and could you deal with them within a relationship? I, for one, think looking for these red flags are very important.