Leaving someone you’ve created a life with is never an easy thing to do. There is a lot that goes into deciding whether or not sticking around is right for you and the family that you’ve grown together but sometimes becoming a ‘single mom’ is the best option for everyone.
Below I am going to go over some of the questions that you as a mother should ask yourself before you decide how you want to move forward. Sure, you should always try to work on things if possible but once you’ve exhausted all other options you need to decide how things are going to move forward. Are you able to move forward at all?
12 Questions You Need To Ask Yourself Before Deciding To Become A ‘Single Mom’:
1. What is missing in your relationship?
Before you leave someone regardless of the situation you need to ask yourself what is missing within the relationship. Are there things that would make it work out properly? Was it doomed from the start?
2. Are you just running away from your problems?
While we don’t want to admit it sometimes we run away from our own problems without allowing ourselves to understand the issues at hand. Before you move on you have to understand what is going on and be able to truly come face to face with it. That being said, this doesn’t mean you should be sticking around.
3. Will you regret this in the future?
Regret is something we all feel from time to time but will you be regretting leaving your partner when all is said and done? Know that once you do this there is most likely no going back. Whether you think you can turn around and make it all better or not you need to understand that there isn’t always going to be a situation in which you can ‘go back.’
4. Are you able to remain financially stable without your partner?
Is it ideal for you to leave at all? You can’t just up and leave without thinking of a game plan. (Unless the situation calls for extreme measures, never allow someone to hurt you or those you care the most for.) Perhaps you should talk things through and look to your support system before making that jump?
5. Are you happy?
If you’re happy in your relationship then, by all means, stick around but knowing whether or not you’re actually unhappy or just going through a rough patch is important. Sometimes we think we’re unhappy in our relationships when we’re actually just struggling with our partners in ways that we can overcome. However, if you are truly unhappy regardless of the situation you need to find ways to make changes.
6. What brought you two together in the first place?
How do you two come together? Did you two happen to get together through circumstances that didn’t allow you two to get to know one another? If you didn’t have much of a friendship before you started your relationship you might need to rethink things.
7. Do you need to work on yourself?
Are you the one in the relationship causing the problems? While you might think things are one way, looking at them from an outside perspective is a good idea. We’re not all as innocent as we would like to make ourselves out to be.
While any kind of separation will hurt your kids, knowing the impact and their thoughts on things is important. Do your kids think they would be okay with it or are they taking the concept hard? Their thoughts and voices need to be heard even if you’re going to end up separating anyway.
9. Is your partner willing to change?
If your partner is willing to change you need to think about whether or not you want to work through your problems together. While most of the time when you decide you want to leave it is because change hasn’t happened after a long period of time and not for lack of trying but sometimes that is not the case. Are you asking the right things of your partner? Are your expectations realistic?
10. Does being in the relationship add something to your life?
Does being with your partner add anything to your life? Is your partner mooching off of you and refusing to put forth the same amount of effort you are? Where is your head in all of this?
11. What are the problems within the relationship/why isn’t it working?
While you might think of a lot of problems what are the biggest ones? Which problems are breaking you two apart and why aren’t things working? Once you’ve done this you need to decide whether or not these things are potentially resolvable or not.
12. How can you get help?
How can you get out of the situation at hand? Are you where you need to be emotionally and otherwise to move on without this person in your life? Is co-parenting going to be a thing or are you stuck on your own completely? Knowing where your help is going to come from before making the leap is also crucial in becoming truly stable on your own.