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When you have a narcissistic parent, it is difficult to face the fact that your parent has a toxic personality. And once you face it, understanding what to do with that information can be even harder.

Sadly, narcissists are considered to be untreatable and having a narcissistic parent not only destroys the parent-child dynamic, but it also leaves you forever damaged. And because narcissists are unable and unwilling to tend to anyone other than themselves, they often neglect those they should be loving. Are you unsure of whether your parents are a narcissist or not? If they have the following signs, then they just may be.

It’s never their fault.

No matter what they have done, they will find a way to blame it on someone else. They are always the victim of someone else.

The conversation is always turned to be about them.

It doesn’t matter what you are talking about, they always change the subject back to them.

They are extremely charming.

Narcissists come off to most people as someone who is friendly, loving, and a do-gooder. They will charm almost everyone when they first meet them; however, eventually, the facade falls through, and the world sees them for who they are.

They are obsessed with what people think about them.

They constantly obsess about their makeup, their hair, their cars, and the things they have. Narcissists like to display a high status and emphasize their prestige,” Hershenon says. “If your mom flashes new purchases or brags constantly, she may be a narcissist.”

They are controlling.

Parents that are narcissistic will try to control every aspect of your life, from when you are allowed to make purchases or major decisions.

Everything is all about them.

Narcissists are very self-centered people and everything is always about them. No matter what it is- they are going to think the entire world should come running when they need help. However, they are never there for anyone else.

They hold grudges.

They will hold a long-lasting grudge that goes on forever and ever. The only way it will end is if the other person does what they want.

They use their affection as a tool to manipulate you.

When you are doing what they want-they will give you all the affection in the world, but if you don’t let them manipulate you, they will withdraw and ghost you. By withholding their affection, they subtly train you to do what they want.

They demand your attention constantly.

If you aren’t paying attention to them, they will find a way to get your attention, no matter what extreme they have to go to.

They tell you your feelings aren’t valid.

When you are upset, instead of consoling you, they make you feel like you are inept for feeling the way you do.

They publicly shame their kids.

If your parent publicly shames you in a way that is uncalled-for or inappropriate, it’s likely they are a narcissist. Oftentimes, they actually get a kick out of the failures in your life.

They won’t support your success.

When you achieve something or become successful, a narcissistic parent will not celebrate with you. Don’t expect their support.