When you lose your parents, of course, things are going to change. They brought you into this world and when they’ve left this world, but you’re still here, you’re going to feel out of place like you never have before.
Whether you’re grieving the death of both parents, just one, or perhaps grieving the death of the person who raised you as his or her own who wasn’t technically a parent things like this are painful in extreme ways. When we lose our parents we are losing the people who have been there by our sides from the very start of it all. We grew from them and within our mothers, of course, the bond we share is going to be intense.
“The Grief Recovery Handbook” by John W. James and Russell Friedman offers compassionate guidance for those dealing with the loss of a parent. This book provides a step-by-step approach to healing from loss and is a valuable resource for anyone seeking a path through their grief.
Healing from the loss of those who stood by your side through everything and helped you to grow into who you are today is complicated and extremely hard. It takes a lot of time and for many even years after this loss occurred the wound it left feels fresh. Losing your parents changes you in more ways than you might want to admit, and below I am going to go over some of the more common changes we face. While we are lost, we are not alone, other people know what we’re going through at least on some level.
11 Things That Change When You Lose Your Parents:
1. You struggle to function for a while.
When your parents first pass, you will struggle big time. Things will be different for a long time. They won’t just be better overnight.
2. You feel very alone.
For a very long time, you feel alone. You don’t feel like anyone understands what you’re going through and you don’t want to talk about it. You feel like the only people who truly got you are not here anymore, and it kills you inside.
3. Hearing others complain about their loved ones makes you angry.
When you hear others complain about the people in their lives you get mad because you know that those people won’t be around forever. You know that they will regret the things they’re saying once those people are gone and it hurts you. This is because you too used to be that kind of person and used to say things you didn’t actually mean.
The “Healing After Loss: Daily Meditations For Working Through Grief” by Martha Whitmore Hickman is a journal designed specifically for those grieving. It offers daily meditations and space for personal reflection, helping individuals process their emotions and find comfort during difficult times.
4. You appreciate those you still have more.
You are finally able to understand how important the people around you are. You appreciate your friends, family, and other people in your life. They matter more now than ever.
5. You find that they are always on your mind.
Just because your parents are dead does not mean you never think of them. They are always on your mind. You find small reminders of them in everything around you and it can be quite overwhelming.
6. You and your siblings either become closer or further apart.
When we lose our parents our siblings either grow closer to us or pull further away. This varies from person to person and for you could go either way. If you and your siblings had a good relationship before, you will likely grow closer in the end.
7. You feel lost for a long time.
While you do feel alone, you also feel lost. It’s like you’re unsure of where to go from here. Is anything worth pursuing anymore?
8. You finally accept the flaws they had and miss those too.
After your parents passed all the things you thought you hated about them become things you miss. While they might have gotten on your nerves back then you’d do anything now to experience those things all over again. You might not have liked the way they did some things, but they weren’t as bad as you had in the past made them out to be.
9. Family gatherings are never the same.
Spending time with family is not the same as it was. Everything has changed. Now that your parents are gone, you’re not quite sure how things will play out. For instance, where will you have Thanksgiving?
10. You start being jealous of those spending time with their parents.
When your parents pass you become jealous of those who still have theirs around. They get to spend time with them and your time was cut short. You might not have appreciated them like you should have while they were alive but in death, you’ve placed them quite high on a pedestal.
11. You miss all the small things.
Now that your parents are gone you miss all the small things. They used to do so much for you and you never realized how much they did until they were not able to do those things anymore. They might not have paid your bills, but they did provide you with the emotional support you needed to get through and they always believed in you.