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Perhaps one of the most disheartening things in the entire world is getting the sinking feeling that your spouse is cheating. What is even worse, is having that feeling, but not being able to get any confirmation either way, which can make you feel pretty helpless.

Unfortunately, cheaters are oftentimes master manipulators who are quite skilled at hiding their sneaky affairs. However, because cheaters tend to be cut from the same cloth (or better yet, quilt) there are some tell-tell signs and similarities among them. When a cheater cheats, if they are any good at it- they are because they are hiding it well. But, if you know how to read between the lines, you can pick up on what is happening.

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Here are 10 ways people hide their affairs.

1. They keep it discreet.

In many cases, a cheater will only hook up with others under discreet circumstances. Sites for cheaters that are open about the caveat to be discreet are created to make it easy to keep affairs concealed. Oftentimes, cheaters will be very intentionally quiet about who they are with the person they are cheating with, to maintain their cover. Not ‘Just Friends’: Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity” by Shirley P. Glass, Ph.D., delves into the complexities of infidelity, providing strategies for healing and rebuilding trust. This book is an invaluable resource for navigating the aftermath of an affair.

2. They claim they are ‘private’ on social media and do not post to you at all.

Some cheaters will tell their partner they are super ‘private’ on social media to avoid posting anything that would out them for being in a relationship. This allows them to flirt freely with whomever they want, without putting themselves in the position to be outed.

3. They legitify their covers.

In many cases, a cheater may take up a new hobby to cover their affair. They may say, “I am going to the gym,” “I am staying late at work,” or “I have to go to see _____.” All the while, these are their covers.

4. They lock their devices.

Cheaters oftentimes lock their devices. They won’t allow their partner the passcode, and their phone never leaves their side. Esther Perel’s “The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity explores the reasons behind why people cheat and how couples can recover from infidelity. Perel offers a fresh perspective on maintaining relationships in the modern world, challenging conventional beliefs about affairs.

5. They use sex sites under a different name/ with no profile pic.

There are adult sites like Tinder and Friend Finder, which tend to be flooded with cheaters. Cheaters will use fake names, or not show a profile picture, whereas most members who have nothing to hide will use their real name and real picture. Cheaters will simply message users with their images if they feel comfortable enough.

6. They purchase a secondary phone.

A cheater is likely to get a new phone number or secondary phone, which they keep concealed. That way, they can hand their phone over to their partner to look through, to verify their innocence.

7. They travel alone.

Cheaters who travel for work have a major advantage because they can cheat during their travels. Dating sites like Tinder make this super easy because you can simply change your zip code at any given time to reflect where you’d like to meet for a hookup. For those determined to move on from a relationship tarnished by infidelity, Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life: The Chump Lady’s Survival Guide” by Tracy Schorn offers a no-nonsense approach to leaving a cheater. It’s empowering and provides practical advice for starting anew.

8. They turn the tables.

Unfortunately, some cheaters will turn it around on their partners. To detract away from their own discretion, they will accuse their partner of cheating. Oftentimes, this also happens because they are projecting their own bad behavior onto their partner.

9. “We’re just friends.”

Another tactic used by cheaters is that they have a ‘friend’ that is far more than just a friend. If your partner starts spending a lot of time with a new ‘friend’ that would qualify as someone they would be attracted to and there are other signs of cheating, beware.

10. Their friends cover for them.

Friends of cheaters may not always cover for them, but in many cases they do. Especially if their friends have fierce loyalty for them or if their friends are cheaters too. Janis A. Spring’s “After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful is designed for couples who choose to stay together, offering a roadmap for rebuilding trust and moving forward.

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