People who cheat, especially serial cheaters, tend to know how to cover up their betrayal. They are master manipulators and know how to tell you exactly what you need to hear to accept their lies.
With that said, cheaters tend to think alike and because of that, no matter how sneaky they may be, if you know what to look out for, you can spot a cheater in action. Now, let me be clear, in situations where you suspect cheating, listen to your intuition. Pay attention to the signs and then take all of that into account with the following.
1. They use technology.
Technology is easily used to hide affairs. With things like Snapchat, where messages disappear and you cannot access your partner’s friends list, social media makes things easy. There are even sites that cater to cheaters.
In exploring the dynamics of trust and deception in relationships, “Lying: Moral Choice in Public and Private Life” by Sissela Bok is a thought-provoking read. This book examines the complexity of lying and truth-telling, providing insights that could be helpful for those grappling with dishonesty in their relationship.
2. They have their friends cover them.
Many cheaters will have a close friend cover for them. For example, they may say, “I’m going out with the girls tonight,” and then tell their friends what they are really up to, so if their partner asks, they are covered.
3. They use work as an excuse.
Some people will start working longer hours. They may have to take more ‘work trips’ all of a sudden or spend more time at the office. In reality, they are cheating.
4. They make up a fake new friend.
Other cheaters may pretend they met a new ‘friend.’ They will start spending all of their time with this friend, but never introduce them to you.
For readers looking to understand the psychological aspects of cheating, “The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity” by Esther Perel offers a deep dive into the reasons behind why people cheat and how couples can navigate through the aftermath of an affair.
5. They are discreet.
Many cheaters know to be discreet. They may use a fake profile name and image on Tinder and then provide their real picture via message. They only meet up with the person once or twice and never give details about their true identity.
6. They maintain separate finances.
While some couples choose to maintain separate finances because it works for them, some choose this route to maintain privacy. The reason they want privacy is to cover their outings with their mistress/mister.
7. They maintain the same behaviors.
When people cheat, sometimes they give themselves away by acting the same. “If I seem normal, they won’t notice anything, right?” Just pay attention to see if they are trying too hard to seem normal.
To gain more insights into understanding and dealing with infidelity, “Not ‘Just Friends’: Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity” by Shirley P. Glass provides a comprehensive guide. This book is invaluable for those suspecting or dealing with a partner’s infidelity, offering practical advice on how to rebuild trust in a relationship.
8. They lock their technology.
Did your partner use to keep their phone unlocked, but now they suddenly keep it all locked? This is a bad sign that likely means they are hiding things.
9. They turn the tables.
Cheaters tend to turn things around on their partners. This is known as projection, and it’s used because they want to rationalize their bad behavior. Additionally, if they make you believe they think you are cheating, you may overlook their cheating.
10. They introduce their partner to their mister/mistress under a guise.
In some cases, a partner may introduce the person they are cheating with to the person they are cheating on. They may introduce them as a co-worker, best friend, or even a family member. Sadly, this ends up setting the partner up for failure, so pay attention to those friends around your partner that suddenly appear and start taking up all their time.