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When we are growing up, we often don’t realize all the things our parents do wrong. The more obvious mistakes are often noticed, with the deeper issues flying right over our heads.

As we get older, deal with our problems, and embark on the journey of parenthood ourselves, a lot of these mistakes become glaringly obvious. In one post, Reddit user u/VastPurpleSky asked, “Now that you’ve grown up, what did your parents do that you now realize was bad parenting?”

In response, many people commented on different mistakes their parents had made. Here are some of the top comments.

1. u/iwulltakeurlife says

My dad trauma dumped all these dark and twisted details of what he went through on me as if I was his therapist.

2. u/00Lisa00 says

My parents weren’t bad, but I would say they were kind of benignly neglectful. I was clothed and fed and loved, but not guided in any way at all. Everything was up to me. If I did homework, if I brushed my teeth or bathed. if I went to school, applying for college. Luckily I’m pretty naturally a rule follower and self-driven or who knows how I would have turned out.

3. u/beansff says

Laughing at me for various shit like music, my hobbies, girlfriends, and even my body, and then said they were ‘joking.’ It took a lot to get my confidence back, and they wonder why I don’t tell them anything about my life.

4. u/saschaleib says

My parents moved house every other year. For them, it was for a new job and new opportunities, but for me, it meant regularly losing all my friends, transferring to a new school, etc. I never built up a circle of friends, and I still have problems doing so to this day.

5. u/United_Crew_4554 says

They never said, ‘I love you’ to me. Seriously, how fucked is that?

6. u/dragime84 says

Ignoring my autism diagnosis and acting as if I’d be fine in life if they treated me like everyone else. Turns out, a huge part of learning to navigate the world when you have autism involves learning coping strategies. I was pushed into situations that caused meltdowns without those strategies. I just became an anxious and depressed mess.

7. u/FinninbarMcBride says

If I mentioned wanting to do anything, I was given a long list of how it could and would go wrong, to the point where I felt beaten down and didn’t want to do it anymore. Then I was accused of never sticking to anything.

8. u/Inevitable_Leek_1622 says

My dad would always buy my brother and I whatever we wanted if he hit or yelled at us. Now that I’m older, I realized he only did it so we didn’t tell our mom.

9. u/sephoraobsessed says

All the weight comments. I was always a chunky kid and needed/need to lose the weight, but I’ve never been able to shake the idea that I don’t deserve to be loved, because of those comments. I can always look down and see 50 extra reasons to hate myself.

10. u/agentorange360 says

Learning at an early age to bottle up emotions. No one can hurt you if you don’t feel. Growing up, I was constantly needled about my emotions. They’d basically bully and make fun of me until I either broke and cried, to which I’d be disciplined, or just go numb. Now, as an adult, I’m emotionally stunted and have a difficult time connecting with anyone in that way.