All relationships have their ups and their downs, there is no doubt about that. No relationship is perfect, but just because no relationship is perfect, does not mean that we should tolerate disrespect and betrayal.

When a bad situation arises and then is resolved, that is normal. However, when a bad situation continues to arise time and time again, it will have you questioning whether or not your relationship is right. This is a normal worry, in consideration of multiple problems in a relationship. With that being said, if you are here, it’s likely you either view your relationship as strong and sturdy or you are questioning whether or not your relationship is right at all.

Below, I have included some things that experts say are not indicative of a strong relationship.

1. You can’t say how you feel.

Alonha Donovan Makinson, MA, LPCC-S says, “A healthy relationship provides the safety necessary to feel comfortable with disclosing vulnerable information to a partner.” If that isn’t true of your relationship, you will have to find a way t work on this with your partner. If your partner cannot work with you on it, it may be time to move on.

2. They are dismissive of you.

No matter how much you may disagree with your partner or vice versa, you should still try to find common ground or try to understand one another. When you talk over each other and instantly dismiss one another, you will always be fighting against each other, instead of working with each other.

3. They attack your character.

We’ve all been there: it’s in the heat of the moment, and without thinking, you say something that you didn’t mean to say that is hurtful. But, when your partner is constantly berating your character and tearing you down, this is a problem.

4. They never have your back.

Part of what makes a relationship a relationship is having someone support and understand you. But, when you are in a situation in which your partner is not supporting you and never has your back, Makinson says it’s likely that you are going to end up feeling “isolated, disrespected, and undervalued.”

5. Your arguments get out of control.

Arguments are normal and even perhaps necessary. But there is a difference between fighting productively, and fighting that gets you nowhere. If all of your arguments end on a bad note, it’s a bad sign. Dr. Loree Johnson, Ph.D., LMFT says, “How you communicate when you are tested and not when things are easy can reveal a lot about relationship health.”

6. They never let go of the past.

If you want to have a strong relationship, it’s important to learn to let go of the past. It can be really hard to do, but when you hold onto the past, you “block communication and conflict resolution,” says Michael Ceely, LMFT.

7. They won’t apologize.

Being able to apologize to your partner is just as important as knowing how to properly argue with one another. “In an unhealthy relationship, partners usually have to come to some conflict place to get an apology or even awareness of an issue,” says Michele M. Paiva, a licensed psychotherapist. And if you or your partner will not apologize, it can cause major problems.

8. Jealousy dominates.

All relationships have a certain level of jealousy, but when it reaches outrageous levels, jealousy destroys relationships. The thing is, if you don’t trust your partner, things aren’t going to work. And jealousy is just mistrust on a much larger level.

9. You aren’t equal.

If you ever get the sense that you aren’t being treated as an equal – you need to tackle this head-on, says Sara Stanizai, LMFT. She says some good questions to ask yourself are, “Are there unrealistic expectations placed on the partner, making it difficult to manage expectations and perceptions? Is it hard to appreciate the humanness of one’s partner?”

10. They refuse to see a problem.

If your partner refuses to work on things, this is a major red flag. The only worse red flag would be if your partner insists that there is nothing to work on and continues to shut down each time you try to tell them how you feel.

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