Being in a happy and balanced relationship is one of the greatest feelings in the world. When most people try to find a stark contrast to compare this feeling too, they imagine being entirely alone, however, I believe that a stark contrast would be to be in a relationship with someone that is not meant for you.
For those questioning their relationship dynamics, “Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find – and Keep – Love” by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller offers insightful perspectives on understanding relationship patterns.
You may be shocked by what I just said. How could it be better to be alone than it is to be with someone, really anyone, even if they aren’t right for you? Well, if you have ever been in a toxic relationship, you probably understand exactly what I mean. Because being with someone that is not meant for you, almost always inevitably being just that: toxic.
The reason for this is, that as human beings we have expectations for our partners. And when they don’t meet those expectations, and we don’t meet theirs, it causes a push and pulls that ends up tearing both individuals to bits.
If you are wondering whether or not your partner is right for you, or have doubts as to whether they are, here are 10 signs that indicate someone is not meant for you.
1. You constantly disagree on everything.
Every little discussion or small struggle becomes a major argument. You can’t agree on anything, even small things. And you find that you are both constantly nit-picking each other.
2. You have nothing to talk about, ever.
Aside from arguing, the two of you barely talk. When you do, it feels forced, because you have no common interests. And when you try to find things to talk about, the conversation feels weird.
3. You have fundamental differences in the way you view the world.
When it comes to how you view the world, including your values, beliefs, and morals, the two of you cannot agree on anything. You see the world one way, and they see it opposite as to how you see it. Everything is very black and white. And never any gray.
4. You do not want the same things in life.
During discussions for the future, you find that your partner wants one direction, and you seek something completely different. Your goals, aspirations, plans, etc., are like night and day from one another. When the topic comes up, you both quickly change the subject without ever trying to find something you both may have in common. And it’s likely there isn’t anything you do have in common.
5. Things started great, and then quickly went stagnant.
In the beginning, sparks were flying, and there was intense passion and interest. Honestly, things seemed perfect. However, as time has progressed, things have not only naturally tapered off (which is normal) but have completely grown stagnant (not normal.)
To help readers navigate relationship stagnation, “Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love” by Dr. Sue Johnson is an excellent resource for rekindling connection and understanding emotional needs.
6. You dislike your partner.
When it comes down to it, you honestly detest your partner. When they talk, everything they say gets on your nerves. Everything they do annoys you. Sometimes you wonder why you are even together.
7. Everything is a heated debate, with no compromise.
Simple conversations turn into heated debates. When you try to compromise or find common ground, it only intensifies the argument until you both blow up. Then, after you both cool off, you pretend nothing happened, but nothing ever gets resolved.
For couples struggling with communication and compromise, “The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts” by Gary Chapman provides useful strategies for improving understanding and connection.
8. The relationship yo-yos.
The relationship is on again, and off again, very frequently. You may spend a few weeks or months, with everything moving along, only to have a blow-up and break up. Then, one of you or both of you give in and revisit the relationship, only to have it fall apart all over again.
9. You have to convince yourself it’s meant to be.
You find that you have to convince yourself that the relationship is right. Deep down, you know it isn’t working, but you try to dig deep to find moments and similarities that must mean something. This is what you cling to, to keep the relationship afloat.
10. You feel like you aren’t enough.
You often feel like you aren’t enough for your partner. No matter what you do, or what you say, you just don’t feel like you are right for them. And this causes you a lot of heartache and insecurity.
To address feelings of inadequacy in relationships, “The Self-Esteem Workbook” by Glenn R. Schiraldi can be a valuable tool for personal growth and self-acceptance.