When we are falling in love, everything just falls into place naturally and sparks much like a whirlwind. However, as the relationship progresses, it can be more difficult to spark to fire – and these questions can help to reignite the passion and deepen your relationship.

Not only do these questions ensure that you and your partner are on the same page, experts believe they will help you and your partner to get to know each other better. Because even despite the time we know one another, there is always room to understand your partner more and learn more about them. As people, we grow and change over time, so it’s important to stay tuned into who each of us is as people along this journey.

1. How do you feel things are going with us?

This question is great for figuring out where you stand, what needs work, and to get a general feel for how your partner is feeling about the relationship. And dating coach Carla Romo suggests that when you ask this to find a way to make it open-ended, so they can’t just respond with “good,” or “ok.”

2. What does a balanced relationship look like to you?

Relationship coach Diana Mitchem says, “This will give you a blueprint of what each of you wants from the relationship.” Additionally, it allows you to make sure you are both aligned in what you want/need from your relationship.

3. What does commitment look like to you?

Commitment looks different to everyone, so it’s important to understand where your partner feels about this. Just because you live with someone or have been together, doesn’t mean you have the same ideas in mind. “So many folks assume they are talking about the same thing, assuming because they are dating or living together it means ‘committed’, on the path to engagement, marriage, etcetera. Many fail to see or overlook the signs that the relationship path is different for their partner,” explains Liz Jenkins, Ph.D., LMFT, and relationship coach.

4. What stresses you out?

Everyone experiences stress and should air it out from time to time. Karina Baltazar-Duran, LMFT, explains that when you ask your partner this, you can grow to understand their patience and tolerance level for stress.

5. What’s been the hardest thing you ever had to do in life so far? How did it impact you?

Asking this question allows you to gain insights into what shaped your partner into who they are today. And tough conversations like this can also help you to bond more deeply with your partner. Jenkins suggests this one and advises that there are “No right or wrong,” answers here.

6. What are your goals for our relationship?

If you and your partner are struggling, Mitchems says this question may stump your partner, especially if they don’t view you as someone they can see themselves with long term. So, you are wondering where you stand, be wary.

7. What are you not willing to compromise on?

Kendra A O’Hora Ph.D., LCMFT, who is a licensed marriage and family therapist, says this question helps you to gain insight into your partner’s values. And values, she says, are very important and fundamental to the relationship. If you have shared values the relationship will thrive but if you aren’t on the same page, you may have to find common ground.

8. What would you like to see more of in our relationship?

“Asking your partner what they think is working and what they would like to see more of in the relationship puts the attention back on [the positives] — and making sure that you do more of that,” explains the Mitchems.

9. What makes you feel loved?

When you ask this question, it helps you to open up a conversation about your love languages, which can benefit your relationship overall. And additionally, you may think you know what makes your partner feel loved, while having no idea, according to Anita Chlipala LMFT.

10. What can we do to make each other’s lives easier?

“These questions should be revisited regularly as you both grow and change because the answers might also change,” explains Sean Paul, M.D. Using questions like these not only helps you to get to know your partner better but can also make your relationship better.

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