We often hear the phrase ‘narcissist’ used to describe someone who is self-centered, or entitled, however, not everyone a bit selfish or even entitled is always a narcissist. A true narcissist takes these behaviors to the extreme, causing damage to all of those around them, and most specifically their kids.
If you were raised by a narcissistic mother, then you likely know exactly what I mean. It is not a walk in the park to deal with a narcissist, and for those who were born to a narcissistic mother, the damage they can cause is all too real. Narcissistic mothers tend to view their children as an extension of themselves, forcing their children to think, believe and even fulfill lifelong goals that the narcissist held for themselves. In other cases, narcissistic mothers are oftentimes emotionally distant, cruel, and callous.
Below, I have listed the most commonly used phrases of a narcissistic mother.
1. You are fine! Stop crying, or I will give you something to cry about.
Narcissistic mothers are not warm and loving. Instead, they are invalidating and cruel. When their kids come to them for support, love, and warmth-they get invalidation and callousness.
2. You should be more like __________, they are so wonderful.
The comparison game is a major manipulation tool used by a narcissistic mother. By doing this, she sends the message loud and clear: you need to change to be good enough for her.
3. Why can’t you ever do anything right?
No matter what the child of a narcissistic mother does, nothing is ever enough. If the child has been tasked with a chore, they didn’t do it right. If they went out of their way to do something nice for their parent, they are told it isn’t enough. Throughout their entire existence, their mother will constantly remind them that they need to do more or do something differently.
4. You will never amount to anything.
Narcissists tend to beat down the people they are supposed to love by berating them. By using phrases like this, they ensure they will have emotional control over their child.
5. You owe me everything because I gave you life.
Narcissistic mothers love to guilt-trip. If their child isn’t bending to their will, they are quick to remind them that they are the ones that gave birth to them. And because of that, their kids should do whatever they say, or at least according to them, they should.
6. I’m the only one who will ever love you.
A narcissistic mother will work to isolate her kids. Whenever her kids have friends, partners, or even another family member that they feel close to, the narcissistic mother begins to feel jealous and insecure. She combats this by working to push everyone away from her child, so she can have them all to herself.
7. You would be so pretty if you’d just lose a few pounds.
Most of the time, when a narcissist compliments their child, the compliment is backhanded. She might say, “Your house looks so clean, no wonder your child isn’t talking yet.” Sentences like this are a major mind-boggler because you want to appreciate the compliment, but you can’t because it comes with a hard blow as well.
8. Everyone wishes they could have a mother like me.
Narcissistic mothers have an inflated sense of self. She might be the worst mother in the world, but in her mind, she is the best. She is such a good mother, in fact, that everyone wishes they had her as a mother. Needless to say, narcissistic mothers are outright delusional.
9. That dress would look better on me.
A narcissistic mother wants all the attention. If she has a beautiful daughter, she is likely to get jealous, constantly working to beat down her daughter’s self-esteem.
10. Everything you have, you have because of me.
And last but not least-the narcissistic mother will always credit herself for her kid’s accomplishments. No matter how hard they work-everything they have, they have because of her. She believes because she gave birth to them, that she should be credited for it all.