Narcissists are quite abundant in the world right not but one of the kinds of narcissists most people overlook are narcissistic mothers. Narcissistic mothers do serious damage to their children and can really hurt them in the long-run.
Our mother is the first person we see when we come into this world and she’s the one who carries us within her body for months while we grow into a human being, mothers, in general, are very important. They help us through our insecurities, teach us the things we need to know in life, and provide for us in the ways we need them to but what happens when they don’t do these things? Or maybe they do these things in a way that controls us or turns us into someone they want us to be rather than who we are as a whole?
Well, this is where things get a bit tricky. Narcissistic mothers damage their children’s psychological development in a number of ways. For instance, narcissistic mothers often cannot empathize properly even with their children. This leaving their kids emotionally behind and when these kinds of mothers see their kids as extensions of themselves rather than their own beings, boundaries become blurred and children end up being used as pawns rather than treated as individuals.
In regards to being raised by a narcissistic mother Psychology Today wrote as follows:
Children experience continued psychological whiplash being raised by a narcissistic mother. You realize she controls with the threat of withdrawal or rage. Your father goes along to get along, or is long gone.
Here are some characteristics of a narcissistic mother:
The socially engaged mom becomes the controlling mom at home. She’s no longer the woman wearing the perpetual smile that never falters, at least in everyone else’s eyes. She is demeaning, criticizes, and lets you know in more ways than one that you are not up to her standards.
She makes you feel like a failure if you’re not doing what she wants right now. Your mom is really good at manipulation, especially when your emotions are involved. If you aren’t fulfilling her desires to make her feel like her needs are of utmost importance, be prepared to experience pain in the way of criticism or an attack. And, if you are looking for validation, you may be waiting a long time.
She is easily offended, claiming that she does so much for you. If you don’t give her what she wants, she‘s upset and pulls the “you don’t love me because if you did, you would do what I wanted” card or she’ll simply accuse you of taking her for granted and not appreciating her as a mother. She might compare you unfavorably to someone else who is “good” to his or her mother.
She is privately opinionated, blasting people, while being more forgiving in public. Mom needs to look good in front of everyone, even if she isn’t too fond of them. She is charismatic, smiles and even chats with them while saving her criticism for home.
She finds fault in you. And when you make it right, you barely get validation. “I’m sorry Mom” is never enough with her and you can never figure out how to please her with an apology.
She makes you anxious, not filled with self-confidence. She makes you feel inadequate, even if you do something that deserves praise. We all need validation, especially early on in life. A narcissistic mother can instigate self-doubt in everything that you do.
The world revolves around her. Your mom has to be the center of attention at all times. She needs to be waited on and adored and expects you to provide her with all of the above and more.
As you can see, these things are not positive in any sense of the word and as you’d expect are quite toxic behaviors. While some people are able to overcome these things not everyone notices them as they move into adulthood. They continue to cope without realizing they’re facing these issues, to begin with. That is where a cycle begins and will continue if things are not eventually worked through.
While healthy functioning mothers protect their children from the dangers this world puts before them these narcissistic mothers whether they realize it or not are doing more damage than they should ever consider in the lives of their children. Instead of helping them gain confidence they’re beating them down on a core level and rather than loving them properly they’re giving them the ‘my way or the highway’ treatment.
For more information on this kind of thing please check out the video below. If your mother invalidated you as a child or still does-so now that you’re an adult you could be someone who is facing this kind of thing. You are your own person and you can overcome your past and limit your exposure to these kinds of things in the future, please work to do what’s best for you above all else.
Sources:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-intelligent-divorce/201311/the-narcissistic-mother
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/toxic-relationships/201802/daughters-narcissistic-mothers