In this life, we all pass at one point or another. Death is not something anyone can avoid.
If you’ve ever lost a loved one, you know how heartbreaking and truly mind-shattering it can be. Your stomach quickly falls to the ground and you lose yourself in the moment wondering how you’re going to be able to continue forth from where you are. Even when expected, it still hits so hard.
We must live and learn from great loss but the process to that point is never easy. You have to take each day as it comes and remind yourself that you’re getting through it. The ache within your being isn’t going to just die down in a matter of days or even months. This is something you’ll carry with you forever.
Going through the motions and having everyone tell you that you will be okay is only going to make it worse. When they go on and on about how that person who meant the world to you is in a better place now and how you need to be strong, you will want to smack them right in their faces but you shouldn’t. These words are meant well, even if they sting.
When you lose someone that you feel you cannot live without, you lose yourself as well. You stop paying attention to the small things and you forget how important it is to be there for yourself in the ways you need to be. You will fall apart and you will hate everyone for a long time but eventually, you will be able to pick up what’s left of yourself.
You’ll be pissed at the person who died and you’ll be pissed at everyone else for allowing it to happen. You will blame yourself and you will really close off until the time comes when you feel comfortable enough to get back out there. There is no right or wrong way to grieve and you will do whatever works best for you.
Losing someone you ‘can’t live without’ is an undeniable pain that takes time to face. Death touches more people than most can fathom and accepting help during your time of loss is going to be the first step in moving forward. Time heals all wounds but this wound will still be quite open when you return to normal. You will have to go forth and live your life all the while this weighing on your shoulders and in time, it will be much less overwhelming.
The APA lists as follows in regards to what you should do when you lose someone you cared for so deeply:
Mourning the loss of a close friend or relative takes time, but research tells us that it can also be the catalyst for a renewed sense of meaning that offers purpose and direction to life.
Grieving individuals may find it useful to use some of the following strategies to help come to terms with loss:
Talk about the death of your loved one with friends and colleagues in order to understand what happened and remember your friend or family member. Denying the death is an easy way to isolate yourself, and will frustrate your support system in the process.
Accept your feelings. People experience all kinds of emotions after the death of someone close. Sadness, anger, frustration and even exhaustion are all normal.
Take care of yourself and your family. Eating well, exercising and getting plenty of rest helps us get through each day and move forward.
Reach out and help others dealing with the loss. Helping others has the added benefit of making you feel better as well. Sharing stories of the deceased can help everyone cope.
Remember and celebrate the lives of your loved ones. Possibilities include donating to a favorite charity of the deceased, framing photos of fun times, passing on a family name to a baby or planting a garden in memory. What you choose is up to you, as long as it allows you honor that unique relationship in a way that feels right to you. If you feel stuck or overwhelmed by your emotions, it may be helpful to talk with a licensed psychologist or other mental health professionals who can help you cope with your feelings and find ways to get back on track.
When you’re facing times like these, it is important to remember that even when you feel alone, you are not alone. Others are going through what you’re going through and because grief hits us on all levels it is crippling. Processing things in your own way and on your own time is the only way through this fire.
Living your life to the fullest is the best way to truly respect that person’s existence. We are all on our own journeys in life and we all have to face different hardships. Loss is going to happen time and time again and how we handle it makes a huge difference.
As time passes you will find your strength and look back at where you are now. You will still miss the person you lost but you will know within that they are still with you and that they are proud of who you have become. Celebrate the life that once was. For information on how to really get through what might be before you please check out the video below.