Becoming a father is one of the greatest roles a man can ever fulfill, but that isn’t to say that it’s easy. While there are no perfect fathers, there are a lot of ways that you can become a damaging father.
Some of these in the list below will seem obvious, but some may get you thinking. Approach this with an open mind and a lot of self-awareness, and this will help you to course correct any paths you are taking that could be unintentionally harmful to your child. I think a lot of times, in terms of parenting, we only think of outright abuse or neglect as bad parenting, but small repeated daily habits can end up causing a lot of harm in the long run even if you have the best intentions.
Here are 9 types of fathers who damage their children.
1. The father is more of a friend than a dad.
It might seem like it’s the best approach to be your child’s best friend. And while I won’t discourage any farther from being their child’s best friend, please remember to be their parent first. Your child needs someone to teach them boundaries, to show them the way, and to teach them how to live responsibly, flexibly, and compassionately. When you put being a friend first, your child will likely end up neglected when it comes to the parenting front, which is not a good thing at all.
The Positive Discipline Parenting Tool Card Deck can provide practical advice for maintaining both a strong friendship and a healthy parent-child dynamic.
2. The narcissistic father.
The narcissistic father believes he is always right. Everything is all about him, and he will guilt-trip and manipulate his child to get them to bend to his will so he can maintain control. There are so many things wrong with this parenting style.
3. The absent father.
The absent father only comes around when it’s convenient for him. He is oftentimes found putting work, his love life, and his friends above his children. And sadly, his kids pay for his absenteeism in a myriad of ways.
4. The abusive dad.
The abusive dad is abusive, whether it be physically, emotionally, or otherwise. Regardless of the type of abuse, he leaves a massive scar on his child’s psyche for the rest of their life. Unfortunately, the damage is not easy to undo.
5. The addicted dad.
The addicted dad is addicted to either substance, drinking, gambling, or even sex. His addictions always come before his child, and he is oftentimes resistant to getting help. But, please don’t think I am attacking addicts here. If you are an addict that is getting help, kudos to you, but for those who put their addictions before their kids, be wary.
For those in recovery, consider the The Addiction Recovery Workbook to support your journey toward becoming a healthier parent.
6. The Disneyland Dad
This is the dad that only shows up to wisk his kids off to the amusement park or buy them a bunch of expensive things. Other than that, he is not a very present father. He is not authoritative or much like a parent at all. He pretty much just gives his kids what they want and wants to be a fun parents. Ultimately, his kids get neglected on the other fronts.
The Disneyland VIP Guidebook is perfect for planning those fun moments while balancing them with quality time and guidance.
7. The distracted dad.
The distracted dad has a bad tendency to get lost in his issues and oftentimes seems like he is lost in his world. Either he can be found staring at a t.v, ignoring his kids, or staring at his phone. He rarely engages with his kids and misses some of the most important moments in his kids’ lives. He always has somewhere else he needs to be.
8. The macho dad.
The macho dad doesn’t believe that boys should cry. He tells them to toughen up and ‘quit acting like a girl.’ He’s way too tough on his children and is never emotionally warm or comforting.
9. The demanding dad.
The demanding dad means well, but his ultra-high expectations are unreachable. No matter what his kids do, it’s never enough. And ultimately, his kids are always made to feel worthless.
For guidance on encouraging and supporting your children without pushing too hard, the Parenting Without Power Struggles book is a great resource.
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