We have the power as parents to either raise our kids to be resilient, or to raise them to have a fixed mindset. Resiliency is the best way to go, if you want your child to be happy and successful in life.
The thing is, while we may want to swoop in and save our kids from anything that will cause them discomfort or disappointment, at the end of the day we cannot. What we can do is raise them to be resilient in the face of life’s challenges. Raising resilient kids boils down to a few simple habits.
Resilient kids have grit and when they encounter a tough situation, they can quickly problem-solve to find a way through. Below, I will go over 9 ways you can instill this trait into your kids.
1. Let them try to do things for themselves.
It might be tempting to step in when your child starts to try to do things that they haven’t before. The thing is, this is how they learn. So as hard as it may be to let them try to figure out how to try new things, it’s best to give them the room to grow. You can coach them through, but make sure you leave room for them to understand it for themselves.
2. Value completion over perfection.
Keep the emphasis away from perfection. Instead, focus on putting your best foot forward and giving it all you have. At the end of the day, it’s completion that matters far more than perfection- because perfection is unattainable.
3. Give the right praise.
Instead of praising them for their talent, praise them for their effort. When you notice them trying hard to pass their test, and you see that they did a good job, say, “You worked so hard to pass your test- and your hard work paid off!”
4. Don’t set them up for failure.
While you might feel like there is a lesson to be learned, do not set them up for failure. Instead, if you notice that they are struggling-give them some guidance. Don’t step in and take over, but if they are about to fail their science project, it is a good idea to help them see things from a different perspective.
5. Encourage them.
Be your child’s biggest cheerleader. When you see them contemplating giving something a try, but notice they hesitate because they don’t believe in themselves, remind them of what they are capable of. Children haven’t fully developed their self-esteem, so a little push here and there or words of encouragement can go a long way.
6. Let them make mistakes.
While you don’t want to set them up for failure-you also don’t want to step in any time you foresee a mistake. It’s okay to make mistakes-mistakes are learning tools. Help them see the learning opportunity in their mistakes.
7. Emotion coach.
Our kids depend on us to teach them how to manage their emotions. Instead of invalidating them or trying to tell them to push their emotions down, train them on how to manage their emotions.
8. Encourage problem-solving.
When problems arise, make sure you encourage them to figure it out, instead of giving up. When the going gets tough, it provides a great opportunity for your child to put their problem-solving skills to the test.
9. Model positive self-talk.
When you are talking about yourself, don’t self-depreciate. Don’t say things like, “I’m not smart enough,” or “I can’t do it.” Instead, problem-solving out loud. Speak motivational and uplifting things to yourself, so your kids can hear that and do the same for themselves.