If you have ever considered su!c!de, without ever actually wanting to d!e, then this letter goes out to you. To feel as if the world is closing in on you, so much that you truly consider death as a viable option for relief, is one of the hardest things you can ever deal with.
For me, when I first began to have thoughts of suicide, and to even go as far as to ‘flirt’ with suicide, I found that I became more receptive to the things my friends and family would say about su!c!de in general. When I heard the people I loved most say that su!c!dal people, or people that have actually committed su!c!de were selfish, or cowards, it truly broke my heart. This also became a major reason that I kept many of my thoughts to myself.
Who could ever understand how I felt? While I would probably never actually do it, the fact that I ever considered it was terrifying. No, I didn’t want attention, instead, I merely wanted someone I loved to care enough to understand and to be there for me when things got scary.
Please know that from my own personal experience, I understand what you are going through. And no matter what your mind is telling you, you will come out of this.
You will make it through. What you need is for someone to be there for you.
And the good news is that there are people there for you, and for the first time in decades, an entire generation is actually paying attention to the importance of mental health. We have text lines, crisis phone lines, and Facebook groups now that provide us with the support and understanding that we may lack at home.
I might have spent a lot of my time ignoring the way I felt, afraid to speak with others but you do not have to. You can find someone you trust to open up to if you think talking about it will make a difference, it really changed my world for the better. Just because you don’t think you have the nerve to ever follow through doesn’t mean that those feelings should go ignored. Even just talking to someone on the crisis textline could make the difference you need in understanding what you are going through on a better level.
Here in the US, there are almost 45 thousand people who commit su!c!de each year and of that almost 45 thousand I am sure most of them thought they would never actually do it until they did. There is nothing wrong with getting the help that you need while you are able to do-so. It is never too late to talk to someone and depending on your situation really put things into perspective and look into your mental health as well.
There is nothing wrong with needing an extra hand from time to time or a shoulder to cry on when you’re feeling down. Your life matters and even if you feel like no one in the world cares about you, I do. You are important to so many people even if you cannot see it. Sure, you might not ‘want to die’ but if you are having suicidal thoughts you still need to know that it is not the answer you’re looking for.
Please, if you or someone you know is thinking about su!c!de or hurting themselves in any way do not hesitate to call the Su!c!de Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or go to their website by clicking here to chat with someone.
If you are in a moment of crisis and need someone to talk to also feel free to text the Crisis Textline at 741741 (all you have to do is send them a message saying HOME to get started).