In life, we all have to come to terms with the things we’re going through, and sometimes that’s harder than it sounds. While we all deal with toxic people in our own ways, they can be a bit hard to spot when they’re too close for comfort.
Just because you grow up with someone in your life does not mean that someone has your best interests in mind. Sometimes even our family members can be more toxic than we want to admit. Of course, some people have great parents and siblings to want to help them grow but not everyone is provided that much.
Some of us have to do more than we should to make up for the lack of proper function within our homes. We are forced to let our own needs fall through the cracks and whether we’re being abused in some way or just used by those who should be taking care of us, we have a lot to overcome. Below I am going to go over some of the more common signs of a toxic family and from there break down what you should do if you feel your family is toxic. I know these things are not easy but understanding what you’re facing is the first step towards making changes in your life.
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For those ready to take the first steps towards healing and empowerment, “Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life” by Susan Forward provides insightful guidance and practical strategies to break free from the past. This resource is invaluable for anyone looking to understand the impact of their upbringing and forge a path to a healthier, happier life.
13 Signs Your Family Is Toxic And How To Overcome That:
1. You’re always dealing with conflict within your family.
If you’re always having to deal with people fighting or attacking you within your family, then they’re probably toxic. They always seem to have something negative to say and when you try to make things alright they only get worse. This is never a fun thing to go through.
2. You’re not getting the emotional care you crave.
Throughout the years you’ve been neglected emotionally. You’ve never had someone in your family you could just sit down with and talk about your feelings to. You’re either scared the people around you will use your feelings against you, or you know they won’t hear you out anyways. “The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma” by Bessel van der Kolk explores this intricate relationship, offering hope and pathways to recovery for those affected by early life adversity. It’s a must-read for individuals seeking to heal holistically from the scars left by toxic relationships.
3. Proper communication is severely lacking or nonexistent.
Toxic people are terrible at communication. They are very my way or the highway, and it shows. You can’t just come to them and try to talk things out, that just never seems to work.
4. Someone in your family works to control all you do.
If you’re facing some kind of toxic person in your family, chances are one of the biggest signs will be that the specific person in mind tries to control you. Toxic people love to be in control of other people and won’t stop until they get exactly that. The more you allow them in your life, the worse things become.
5. You’re constantly being talked down to and pulled apart.
Toxic family members love to talk down to the people they believe are ‘less than’ they are. They may hate on you for the things you wear, the things you do, or just how you live life in general. “Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No To Take Control of Your Life” by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend serves as a comprehensive guide to understanding and implementing healthy boundaries. This book is a powerful tool for anyone struggling to navigate the delicate balance of familial obligations and personal well-being.
6. You have had to do more for your parents than you should at your age throughout your time growing up.
Sometimes toxic families come in a form that puts a lot on the children. If you, growing up had to take care of your parents and basically be there for them when they weren’t there for you, you have experienced true toxicity. Instead of being able to live your life and enjoy your childhood, you were taking care of your mom or your dad and worried all the time.
7. Someone in the family is physically violent with you.
If someone in your family is physically violent with you in any way, that is toxicity. You should not tolerate this kind of thing and should always report this to the proper authorities. Sure, it might be hard to call the cops on your mother or father, but sometimes it is necessary for your own well-being.
8. There is no room for compromise.
Toxic people don’t like to compromise. They want things their way and that’s it. You can’t try to reason with them, it just doesn’t work.
9. You are expected to give all that is asked of you, even if it puts you behind.
Toxic families tend to push the things they want or need onto others. Instead of going out and working for something, a toxic family member might lean on you to help them out time after time. You give in because you want them to be happy, but in the end, you’re only hurting yourself. These toxic family members may even bring up things like you owing them when you don’t owe them shit.
10. Growing up, you were often punished without reason.
Toxic parents tend to pick one child to treat worse than the rest. That child gets punished for everything. If one child acts out they might get in trouble but because you allowed them to do it, you’re also getting in trouble. Sure, you didn’t have anything to do with it, but that doesn’t matter to the toxic parent.
11. Nothing you do is ever enough, and you’re always being judged.
Toxic people are very judgmental. They go out of their way to make others feel bad and don’t feel like anyone is ever as giving as they should be towards them. You could be waiting on them hand and foot, yet you would still not get any kind of real, thanks.
12. You’re treated like a toddler, even as an adult.
Sometimes toxic parents turn their offspring into toddlers, even into adulthood. They raise them in a way that leaves them still reliant on them, and then treat them as if they are idiots. We, going into our teenage years, should be working to be more independent and if you’re not allowed to do that, it should be seen as a red flag.
13. Your boundaries do not matter to these people.
Toxic family members or people, in general, won’t care about your boundaries. They will never be willing to give you the privacy you deserve, and your limits will always be pushed. This is because you don’t matter to them, even if they say that you do.
Now, when it comes to moving on from this kind of thing and distancing yourself from the toxicity, you have to get out on your own and either cut contact depending on the severity of the toxicity or limit contact drastically. You should not let these people keep bringing you down, stand on your own two feet, and leave them in the dust if you have to.
For more on how to live after going through a toxic household growing up, check out the video below. This kind of thing is more common than you might think. You are in no way shape or form, alone.
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