Our parents have a major impact on who we grow to be, especially our mothers. Without a healthy and loving bond between mother and child, several things can happen.
In many cases, the children of toxic mothers develop emotional scars that can prevent them from living their best possible life. These scars can impact everything from the way they behave towards future partners, and even to the way they carry themselves in social situations.
Thankfully, acknowledging that these scars are present is the first step toward healing the damage left by them.
8 scars carried by daughters of toxic mothers throughout their life
1. They constantly second-guess themselves.
Daughters of toxic mothers are always second-guessing themselves because they were never made to feel secure. Studies have shown that much of our self-esteem is developed through our relationship with our parents. Those who have been emotionally neglected and abused by toxic mothers struggle in life.
To help regain confidence, consider using the “Self-Esteem Workbook“ which offers practical tools to overcome self-doubt.
2. They believe they are worthless.
Because we look to our parents to love us and to make us feel secure and safe in the world, when they don’t, as children we don’t understand. Our first instinct is that there must be something wrong with us. In turn, it can cause the daughters of toxic mothers to grow up feeling worthless.
3. They don’t know how to trust.
When the person who is supposed to love you and care for you does not show you that love, it can make it hard for you to trust. Because of that, you grow up believing that no one can be trusted.
For building trust in relationships, the “Brene Brown’s Book – The Gifts of Imperfection“ is an excellent resource for personal growth.
4. They don’t know how to love or be loved.
Our mothers model love for us by loving us correctly. When you grow up with a toxic mother, you struggle to know how to navigate healthy relationships. In turn, when you do find a relationship, it can be a struggle at first, or until you realize the damage caused by a toxic mother.
5. They have attachment problems.
Studies have shown that the relationship we have with our mother has a major impact on our attachment style. When our mother is loving and affectionate, we develop a secure attachment style. However, when we are emotionally or otherwise neglected or abused early on, we can develop anxious or even avoidant attachment styles.
For a deeper understanding of attachment styles, check out the “Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find – and Keep – Love“ book.
6. They apologize for everything.
Toxic mothers make their daughters feel as though everything that goes wrong is their fault. In turn, the daughter of a toxic mother may apologize for everything. And if you say anything about her apologizing too much, she will apologize for that too.
7. They struggle with boundaries.
We learn boundaries through our relationship with our mother. When our mother demonstrates healthy boundaries and teaches us how to demonstrate our own, we learn how to establish them in future relationships. But, when our mother does not, we struggle with them until we teach ourselves.
To strengthen boundary-setting skills, the “Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life“ book is highly recommended.
8. They don’t know how to handle their emotions.
Toxic mothers often invalidate the emotions of their children. Rather than soothing them or helping them to manage them, they instead will shut them down for having them. Over time, this can make it quite difficult for them to manage their emotions in a healthy manner, making them emotionally unstable or even impulsive.
For better emotional regulation, “The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook“ offers great strategies for managing overwhelming emotions.
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