There are two types of kids: those that have to be bribed to do what you need them to do, and those that are internally motivated to do what you ask them to do. With that being said, while it may seem difficult to get your child to that point, it’s much easier than you may believe.
Dr. Shimi Kang, the author of the book, “The Self-Motivated Kid,” explains “For children to have lifelong success, they must learn to work hard even when no one is watching them.” They go on to say that children are either motivated by a passion for the activity or an understanding of its purpose and a desire for the natural reward of succeeding.
“For example, although a child might not have a passion for math if she knows that completing first-grade math is the only way to get to second grade, [she will work hard to accomplish that],” says Dr. Kang.
If you are wondering how to foster this in your children, it’s much simpler than you may realize.
1. Guide their schedule.
Children need a schedule and a routine to thrive. Dr. Kang says that this helps to ensure they get enough rest, to avoid their motivation becoming impeded, and it also helps to ensure that they have a variety of activities to try.
2. Encourage them to play.
While many parents resort to being too strict-kids need free time too. Studying, working and chores aren’t all there is to life. “Explore new and different things without regard to outcome or evaluation,” advises Dr. Kang.
3. Help them feel a sense of community.
People, and kids especially, need to see a sense of connection. Kang says this gives them a feeling of purpose, which works as a motivating factor.
4. Be a dolphin parent.
According to Kang, there are three types of parents, dolphin, tiger, and jellyfish. The dolphin parent is similar to authoritative parents, who rationally guide their children.
5. Avoid giving general praise.
General praise would be phrases like, “Wow, you are so amazing!” Which makes it seem like they are amazing just for existing, and while this may be true to you, it could send the wrong message and work as a demotivator. Instead, praise their effort, Kang explains.
6. Praise their effort.
When you notice your child working hard on something, praise their hard work. “If we mainly praise performance, the child will lose motivation if they know the task is too hard. It’s a fixed versus growth mindset.”
7. Inspire them.
Instead of bribing your child, inspire them. Kang says this can be done by supporting and encouraging their current interests and helping them to develop and harness new ones.