Whether you are aware of it or not, you could have been ‘unloved’ as a child. This kind of thing can and will have lasting effects on you as you go through your adult life, and when explored can explain a lot.
You can be taken care of on most levels and still end up being an ‘unloved’ child. Just because you had food and a roof over your head doesn’t mean you have your needs met properly. Sure, you made it through into adulthood but did you ever feel important to your parents?
If you are experiencing the things below, you might not have had your emotional needs met in the ways you should have during your childhood. Whether you experienced a seriously damaging childhood or merely face some minor issues here and there, your struggles matter. Working through these things will benefit you more than you could ever fully understand.
9 Things People Who Were Not Loved As Children Deal With As Adults:
1. They aren’t good at opening up.
Adults who were unloved as children are not often good at letting people in. They tend to close themselves off and refuse to show their true selves. They are not sure how to let people in.
2. They are prone to toxic relationships.
Adults who were unloved as children tend to find themselves in toxic relationships. They seek what they are used to and sadly for some toxicity is all they’ve ever known. While this is hard to move on from, it is something they can work through. “Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find—and Keep—Love“ provides insights into understanding attachment styles and improving relationships.
3. Trusting others is hard for them.
Adults who were unloved as children are not usually good at trusting others. They don’t trust many people at all because they are terrified of being abandoned or betrayed. It takes a lot to get them to really tell you any of their secrets.
4. They become attached too easily.
Adults who were unloved as children are always quick to become attached to those who win them over. While it might take a minute to get into their circle, once you’re there they won’t leave you alone. You cannot get away from them once they’ve clung to you. “Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself” by Melody Beattie can help in understanding and overcoming unhealthy attachment patterns.
5. They tend to struggle with figuring out who they are.
Adults who were unloved as children tend to struggle with their own identities. They don’t know who they are or how to figure that out. They are always going from one extreme to the next.
6. They take a lot of things too personally.
Adults who were unloved as children don’t usually take anything lightly. When someone says something to them, they take it to heart. Everything gets to them whether it is meant to or not.
7. They’re terrified of failing.
Adults who were unloved as children are terrified of failing. They don’t want to let others down or themselves. They have much higher expectations than most other people do. “Mindset: The New Psychology of Success” by Carol S. Dweck can help in developing a healthier attitude towards failure and success.
8. They don’t feel like they deserve the positivity in their lives.
Adults who were unloved as children don’t usually believe that they deserve the kindness and positivity before them. They are much more modest than they should be and are always dismissing their own achievements. They just don’t see things as they should. “You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life” by Jen Sincero can be a motivating read for building self-esteem.
9. They don’t know how to face their own emotions.
Adults who were unloved as children are not good at facing their own emotions. They tend to be bottlers and do not often deal with the hard points in their lives. They will avoid the issues before them for as long as they possibly can. “Emotional Agility: Get Unstuck, Embrace Change, and Thrive in Work and Life” by Susan David is a useful guide for learning to navigate and embrace emotions.
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