There is most certainly a fine line that we as parents find ourselves treading. This is the line between encouraging our children to grow into independent humans, while also maintaining a certain level of a bond that is unshakeable.
While a part of me always wants to be there for my babies, another part of me knows deep down that one day, they are going to be in the big world. This is why I have to prepare them to be strong, independent, and resilient. But, how do you encourage independence without pushing them too far away? The magic lies in the small, simple habits that we implement in our parenting.
Here are 9 ways to raise an independent child.
1. Make sure they feel securely attached to you.
It might sound counterproductive, but your child needs to begin their life feeling securely attached to you. This will allow them to develop a healthy sense of self, trust others, and have more confidence. In turn, it will be easier for them to do more things independently when the time is right.
2. Don’t do for them what they can do for themselves.
If they can do something, let them. Teach them how to tie their shoes. When they get it- no matter how much they ask you to do it- let them do it. The more unnecessary tasks you fulfill for them, the more they will cling to you to do everything for them.
3. Let them try new things with each stage of development.
At each stage of development, your child will be able to do more for themselves. Let them try things to see what they are capable of, and also, check in with their pediatrician so they can give you age-specific guidance.
4. Give them chores.
Give your child age-appropriate chores. For example, your two-year-old may not be able to clean their room, and expecting them to would be crazy. What they can do is help you pick up toys, or throw simple items in the trash. Meanwhile, a four of five year old should be able to do a simple cleanup. As they get older, add more depth to their chores.
5. Give them an allowance and teach them how to manage it.
Reward them for their chores by giving them a small allowance. Then, teach them how to save for special items and help them to understand the value of their money.
6. Let them get ready for school themselves.
Remember, age-appropriate is the emphasis here. Kindergarteners should be able to brush their teeth, and put on their shoes. As they get older, you can continue to give them more and more freedom.
7. Allow them to fail.
It can be hard to do- because no one wants to see their child fail, but they need to see that failure isn’t the end. Nor is it the worst thing in the world. It happens, and it is something they can move forward from., The more comfortable they get with failing, the more comfortable they will be to take chances.
8. Let them have room to figure out the answers to their problems.
Instead of jumping into problem solve everything for them, give them room to figure out the answers. You can help them, but don’t give them all the answers.
9. Teach them the right details.
Teach your child details as they get older, like their blood type, allergies, their social security number, and so on. If they have a medical condition, they need to know what it is. If they take medicine, they need to know what kind and how often. If they do have allergies- let them know what to do if specific situations occur (like if they accidentally ate something that requires a response.