When you set out to find love, the last thing you need to find out is that the person you care about isn’t who they portray themselves to be. In some cases, people only stay in relationships because they need something that their partner can provide, and for the person being used, this is especially painful.
However, when you do care for someone and love them deeply, you can be blinded to what is happening. And while you may try to talk yourself out of believing it- some signs are undeniable. Unfortunately, what you do with this information is ultimately up to you-addressing it immediately is likely the best course of action. Above all, consider these signs along with your intuition.
1. Everything is all about them.
They always dominate the conversation, and never allow you to get a word in edge-wise. If you do finally get to say something about yourself, they will talk over you, or redirect the conversation to themselves.
To better understand the dynamics of a manipulative relationship, “In Sheep’s Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People” by George K. Simon is an invaluable resource. It can help you recognize and deal with manipulative behaviors effectively.
2. They are only nice when they need something from you.
Most of the time, they treat you with contempt. Unless they need something from you. If they need something from you, they are right underneath you, trying to ‘woo’ you into giving them what they need. And then as soon as you give it- they are back to the same old bad behavior.
3. When you need something from them, they can never follow through.
Whenever they need something from you, they can be downright manipulative. But, when it comes to you needing a favor, they are never able to manage and help out.
4. They trade affection for favors or gifts.
They aren’t very free with affection unless you have something to give them. Any time you have extra money, connections, or sex (whatever they are using you for) they are right there. As soon as they get the goods, they are gone like the wind.
If you’re dealing with emotional abuse, “Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men” by Lundy Bancroft provides insights into abusive behaviors, helping you understand and protect yourself from emotional exploitation.
5. You are always having to ‘save the day by rescuing them from bad situations.
Whenever something goes wrong, they call you to fix the situation. But they would never do the same for you. You’ve saved the day so many times for them. Oftentimes, users won’t say thank you, either. They simply expect it.
6. They act entitled to what you have.
If you have something they want, they feel entitled to it. They will outright demand that you do what they ask, and if you don’t, they will start with their manipulation tactics.
Building self-compassion is crucial, especially when you feel taken for granted. “Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself” by Kristin Neff offers strategies for practicing self-kindness and recognizing your worth.
7. They only come around for one thing.
This person only comes around for what they want and after that, you don’t see them for a while. However, as soon as that need comes up again, they are right back underneath your wing. But, that never lasts too long.
8. They don’t care about your feelings.
This person doesn’t care at all about how you feel or what you need. Whenever you try to assert boundaries, they trample all over them. And they can be downright cruel whenever things don’t go their way.
In case the relationship ends, “Getting Past Your Breakup: How to Turn a Devastating Loss into the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You” by Susan J. Elliott offers guidance on healing and growing after the end of a relationship.
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P.S. The reason so many men “pull away” from women is because
women don’t understand this naughty secret about men. . .
