Our mothers have a massive impact on who we become and how we will handle our future relationships. While a healthy mother will encourage us to grow into emotionally healthy and happy individuals, if we grow up with a toxic mother, we are likely to deal with issues in this arena.
Our parents are who model what love is and how to deal with it in our future relationships. While some are not as impacted by their toxic mothers’ behaviors, most walk away with deep scars. If you grew up with a toxic mother, you likely already realize that your mother has stunted you in ways that will take time to heal and grow away from. With that said, here are 8 behaviors of a toxic mother that causes her children to struggle.
1. She lacks boundaries.
Our parents teach us boundaries by setting boundaries with us. However, in the case of the toxic mother, she does not have boundaries. She tramples all over her children, never allowing them any autonomy, and she includes them in her adult problems. Later down the line, her children may struggle to establish boundaries with others.
2. She is overly critical.
A toxic mother is always criticizing her kids. Every move they make puts them under a microscope to be emotionally dissected. Ultimately, this can cause her children to suffer from low self-esteem, which may lead them to accept bad behaviors from others as well.
3. She is emotionally cold.
The toxic mother is cold and not emotionally supportive. She does not handle emotions well, and instead, chooses to brush them under the rug. When her child seeks comfort from her, they have left yearning for more. Oftentimes, they end up seeking comfort from all the wrong places.
4. She manipulates.
Toxic mothers are manipulative. She will do whatever it takes to control her child, even if that means making them feel worthless or guilty of not bending to her will. Oftentimes, her children will end up falling prey to other manipulators down the line, because that is what they have learned is normal behavior.
5. She has unreachable standards.
To the toxic mother, no one is ever good enough. No matter how hard her child tries, they will always be left feeling as though they could have done more. In turn, they are likely to engage in attention-seeking or validation-seeking behaviors.
6. She is not to be trusted.
The toxic mother is always doing things that destroy her child’s trust in her. Due to this, her child will have a hard time trusting anyone.
7. She is invalidating.
The emotionally cold mother tends to invalidate her child. When they come to her for comfort, she shuts them down. “Stop crying, you are acting like a baby,” she responds when her child genuinely needs her comfort. As her child grows up, they are likely to try to see validation elsewhere.
8. Her love is conditional.
The love of a toxic mother is conditional. You must earn her love and if you don’t do exactly as she says, she will withhold her love. In turn, her child may always believe they have to jump through hoops for others to gain their love, and thus they are very likely to become people pleasers.