Relationships are not easy, and if you’ve ever had the sneaking feeling that your partner was cheating on you, then you know exactly how painful that can be. With that in mind, no matter how much your gut is telling you something when it comes to love, it can be hard to not doubt ourselves.
In some cases, even when you have proof, your partner may never admit that they are hiding something from you. And when that happens, you have to trust in yourself and the signs you are seeing. Of course, it can be hard to differentiate what the signs are, but experts say that the following is consistent with a partner who is hiding something.
1. They overreact to little things.
The littlest thing sets them off, and they overreact out of nowhere. Nancy Ruth Deen, a Breakup coach, explains that this can be caused for a few different reasons. “If your partner gets easily triggered or offended when you express yourself, they might be trying to hide something that’s going on inside of them,” or she explained that it could be something else, “Sometimes this is intentional. Other times it’s a subconscious defense to avoid saying how they’re feeling.”
Learning to trust yourself is crucial. “The Gift of Fear” by Gavin de Becker emphasizes the importance of intuition in protecting ourselves from harm.
2. They are distant.
When a partner is hiding something, they often grow distant because they may not want to burden their partner with what they are hiding, or because they feel bad, and it makes it easier to be deceptive when they place emotional distance between them.
3. They accuse you of hiding things, even though you aren’t.
A major red flag to most relationship coaches and experts is when a partner continues to accuse the other of lying or cheating or hiding things when there is no apparent reason for them to believe that. Unfortunately, it’s easier for them to assume their partner is being deceptive because they are.
Open, honest communication is key to resolving doubts and misunderstandings in a relationship. “Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life” by Marshall B. Rosenberg provides tools for expressing yourself clearly and empathetically, fostering a deeper understanding between partners.
4. You’ve heard rumors.
While a rumor by itself could just be a rumor, when you hear numerous people saying that your partner is hiding something, it’s a bad sign. Especially when you already have a gut feeling and other signs are present.
5. Money is unaccounted for.
If you notice that money is unaccounted for, or that your partner is spending a lot of money but cannot explain where it’s going, it could mean they are hiding something from you. This could be a sign that they are having financial issues they don’t want to share or it could mean they are spending their money on something they don’t want to tell you about.
“Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find – and Keep – Love” by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller explores how attachment styles impact relationships, including tendencies towards secrecy or dishonesty.
6. They pick fights.
When someone is being unfaithful or keeping secrets, they become defensive. In some cases, they may do it to take the attention off of themselves, and in other cases, they may assume you are doing the same deceptive things they are.
7. Their stories and timelines don’t add up.
When you ask them about where they have been or what they have been up to, you notice their story doesn’t add up. Something seems off and their timelines don’t make any sense.
8. You’ve caught them lying.
If you’ve caught your partner lying, but they brush it off as an accident or say “they forgot” to tell you, it’s likely they are hiding something much bigger. Unfortunately, some people won’t admit any more than they have to, and in others, they may admit nothing. In this case, you will have to trust in yourself and the fact that they are already lying.
9. They are overprotective about their phone.
When you walk into the room, you notice they place their phone face down. If you act like you are reaching for it, they freak out and find a reason for you not to. And then, they spend much of their time on their phone, while remaining distant from you.
10. They are intentionally vague.
And when you ask them questions, they remain intentionally vague. They may leave out little details, or avoid telling you anything you don’t outright ask.
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P.S. The reason so many men “pull away” from women is because
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