Cheating is something that happens whether you’re expecting it or not. While it might not be present in your relationship, there are people all over the world who have to go through it.
While a lot of people tend to think mostly only men cheat, lots of women cheat as well. Men are not the only ones who sometimes stray from their partners and well, sometimes we need to go down these rabbit holes to better understand why people do the things they do. Sure, the reasons these women have for doing what they did doesn’t make it okay but they are their reasons.
After reading through the Reddit thread R/AskWomen I’ve come to realize that no matter the ‘reason’ stated normally the underlying issue is being unhappy. For some reason we hold onto the people we’re with instead of leaving them and thus in the long-run we hurt them because we’re not happy or we’re going through something we don’t know how to handle. Cheating is painful and while it shouldn’t happen, it happens quite often.
Below I am going to go over some of the reasons I saw women states were theirs for cheating and as noted above these reasons don’t just make cheating okay, but they do help us better understand it. Could you forgive someone for cheating on you and if so how? I for one have a new perspective after reading through some of these Reddit responses.
10 Women Who Cheated In Their Relationships And Why:
1. Falling out of love and struggling to let go.
“I used to have a bad habit of letting relationships drag on far past their emotional end. I would fall out of love with these men, but I didn’t realize it until I had fallen for someone else, and by that time I was contemptuous and disillusioned enough with the relationship that I didn’t really care how it made the guy I was dating feel. I would end up kissing the new guy and breaking up with the old guy immediately after. Essentially the cheating served as the catalyst for ending a relationship. I finally recognized this habit, and now I pay more attention to how I feel in a relationship and break it off once it’s clearly over instead of hanging on out of routine and comfort.”
2. Being stuck in a toxic ‘situationship.’
“I had a crazy boyfriend who attempted to control me from afar. If he didn’t know what I was doing or where I was 24/7, he would spam call me and “like” comments/photos/etc on Facebook and message my friends. In addition, he was a loser who lived at home with his mom with no job, while I was working and going to school. I always had to drive to him (an hour + drive) because he had no money and no car. I broke up with him several times, only to get suckered back in because he would threaten to kill himself.
Basically, his controlling, psycho-mind game attitude drove me to cheat on him. I have nightmares about him still.”
3. Not getting enough attention from your partner.
“I wasn’t happy with my partner. He didn’t give me the attention – mentally, emotionally, or physically that I needed. I loved him, but I felt like he kept me around to pass the time.
My best friend though, he gave me all the attention I needed & made me feel like the se*iest woman in the world.
My ex made me feel like a se* toy.”
4. Not really considering the other person in all of it and trying to find yourself.
“I was a chronic cheater. I was acting on my needs for multiple se*ual partners, but I didn’t have a model of how to do it ethically until I was in my 30’s. Once I discovered the polyamory model and began to live it, all of my cheating stopped. That’s part of the reason I’m so open about poly now and why I talk about it so much – I wish someone had told me about this model when I was 17. I could have saved years of heartache! Alternatively, I suppose I could have thought up the poly model on my own, but I don’t consider myself intelligent enough to do that.
Regarding cheating up or cheating down: looking at it that way is disgusting. No one is better than or worse than another.”
5. Being afraid of change and where things are headed.
“I was afraid. There was serious talk of him, my now ex, taking up a new job and moving to NYC. He wanted me to come with him. This meant I left my comfy and awesome job in a smallish town, to the unknown in a very large busy city. I was only 20 at the time.
For the two weeks he spent in NYC scoping out the place and working in his potential new position I cheated. I really can’t come up with a better reason other than fear. There was no emotional attatchment to the guy I saw. It was just se*.
When my ex returned I told him what happened and explained how I felt. He was pissed of course, but we worked through it and he didn’t take the job in NYC.
I’ve stopped dealing with fear in such a poor manner now.”
6. Being unhappy and dealing with a toxic relationship/constantly fighting.
“We were fighting constantly, he was an alcoholic with no friends, no drive, nothing. He rode the train home every weekend to go drinking with his high school friends and would go on to complain he didn’t have money, friends, or time to do his work. (All pretty easily fixable if he just didn’t go home every weekend) We had been friends for years before that so of course, we would be a great couple.
Well, I remember someone who I was close to visited me, and we were both absolutely smashed. We went back to my room and he slept on the floor. In the middle of the night he climbed into my bed because we were cold (had no sleeping bag). I was in that half-awake/not knowing what was going on stage, so I didn’t protest. He then got handsy and kissed me. Like I said, I was aware of what was happening. But it didn’t feel real. I sort of went along with it for a while, then I “woke up” realized what was happening. Stopped and said “I’m done” and immediately disengaged him. I was so torn up about it I felt sick for days and eventually told my bf. He revealed that he had cheated on me during his numerous clubbing ventures but didn’t want to tell me cause it would cause a fight. He also demanded I completely cut ties with the guy I had cheated with. Which I refused on principle. He broke up with me.
I didn’t really cheat up, the dude I did it with was in a sorry state at the time. My ex then picked up a new gf immediately after moaning about how “he wasn’t sure if he could trust again” and didn’t want to do long distance again (his gf now is long-distance) for a couple of weeks, dropped out of college completely, and now lives at home drinking with the same high school buddies in a podunk town. This was a couple of years ago.
And before everyone freaks out about the assault-y-ness of the incident, me and that friend have talked it out and we’re ok now, and I don’t regret saying I would continue to be his friend.”
7. Moving into something far too fast and not being ready for it.
“I cheated on my ex because I was in a very serious relationship way too young and did not know. For me personally, I needed to go out and explore myself se*ually and even in different relationship dynamics. I couldn’t find this in my partner and took the easy way out. I was unprepared to end that relationship because of how close he was to my family and vice versa. It was a confusing time in my adult life as he was my best friend and we had no real issues. I was just not romantically in love with him. He was also emotionally immature and could not rationalize and accept that I was no longer in love with him. He said it was a phase and we continued on in our relationship. Our lives outside the relationship were changing drastically. Graduating college, finding a career path, meeting important and powerful people, being influenced and motivated by those said people etc., etc., Our life goals were suddenly evidently different. He wanted to settle down, buy a home, get married, travel, and have a couple of kids. I wanted to explore my career without distractions, possibly find a different career altogether and travel for the rest of my life and never have children and possibly not even own a home. The things that were important to him were not to me and vice versa. Again, I wasn’t equipped with the right adult emotional tools to deal with such decisions as I was in a somewhat still “juvenile” relationship – almost like remnants of irresponsible college relationships with no real path.
ANYWAY, after all said and done…it’s been over 5 years since that relationship ended. He was extremely hurt but forgave me after 2 years. We are very good friends now. I said in the other thread (about male intentions) he is basically my only guy friend who actually wanted happiness for me.”
8. Feeling stuck waiting for things to end.
“My relationship had been going down the shitter for some time. We were both depressed, and we’re just feeding off each other. He showed his depression with anger, sadness, and frustration. I showed mine with being ice cold and withdrawing. I had become numb to everything. One night I go to a party. I was high and drunk. Fucked out of my head. I met a guy there (come to find out he was married). He expressed interest in me. We had se*.
I was not even attracted to him because who he was was pretty irrelevant. It was about being in a mutually shitty relationship, me being in a really shitty, low place in my life, and making a dumbass decision that still makes me want to throw up to this day.”
9. Being physically/intimately neglected by your partner for far too long.
“My husband hadn’t touched me in almost five years. There was no end in sight and I couldn’t take it anymore.
(we’ve separated since then)”
10. Struggling to find a way out.
“I kept telling him I wanted to break up and he would basically go all Seinfeld on me and say “no”, showing up at my house like normal and trying to carry on as if nothing had changed.
So, I called him from my new guy’s house and explained the situation. After that, he accepted that we were over. And then started threatening to kick my new bf’s ass… but at least he wasn’t still clinging to me.”
As you can see, in the end, cheating is something that happens for a lot of different reasons. That being said, if we were able to talk to one another more properly and handle things in better ways it wouldn’t happen anywhere near as often. If you’re unhappy in your relationship, always consider leaving. While leaving is sometimes very hard, it can save you a lot of trouble in the end. Do you feel like any of these reasons were justifiable?