Experts report that approximately 75% of women are unable to achieve orgasm through intercourse alone. Even more discouraging, 10-15% of women have never reached a climax, regardless of the sexual act. These startling, and somewhat disheartening, facts raise an important question – what is keeping women from achieving the big ‘O’?

There are two key factors to consider when looking into the elusive female orgasm – the physical and the mental factors that influence a woman’s ability to experience pleasure during sex.  Understanding both of these factors, how they can work both for and against us, and learning what steps to take to overcome any possible roadblocks will lead to better sex. Honestly, who doesn’t want to have better sex???


Physical Factors

This shouldn’t come as news by any means, but all women are unique. Different heights, hair colors, body shapes, and more. This doesn’t just end with the parts of a woman’s body that you can see out in public – our vaginas are also unique. Contrary to popular belief, there is no such thing as a ‘normal’ vagina. Did that just turn everything that you thought you knew about the female body upside down? There are many of you who are currently scratching your heads and trying to figure this one out…

I’m not saying that there aren’t similarities or certain factors that carry through from woman to woman. For example, if you are experiencing a yeast infection you are likely going to notice very similar symptoms. However, there are a number of differences to keep in mind.

Every woman has a different size, shape, and color. Another VERY significant change when discussing the topic of sex – every clitoris is a different size and has its own unique placement. This means, guys, the clit may not be where you think! Take some to get to know your lady’s body if you want to ensure that you are giving her the appropriate amount of clitoral stimulation.


Understanding the shape of your vagina will help you to better understand what physical stimulation and activities can help you to climax. These are the factors you can’t change, but if you know what does and doesn’t work for you individually that is a huge step in the right direction!

Kim Wallen, professor of behavioral neuroendocrinology at Emory University explained, “Just as there are physical attributes that would prevent some people from ever becoming a concert violinist, or run the 100 meters in 10 seconds, there are attributes that make it unlikely that some women will ever experience orgasm from intercourse alone.”

Mental Factors

Arguably the more complicated of the two areas of discussion, a woman’s mental state during sex can play a large part in whether or not she is able to reach climax. Living in a society where the conversation of sex, especially the conversation of the female orgasm, is so often avoided, men and women fail to truly understand where their mind is at during sexual intercourse. From the high prevalence of misinformation to the biases associated with religious shame, women often avoid sharing their thoughts, opinions, and experiences.


LA-based gynecologist Dr Sherry A Ross discussed her knowledge from 25 years of experience in her book ‘She-ology: The Definitive Guide to Women’s Intimate Health. Period.’ In it, she stated that “talking about the mighty V outside of doctor’s offices and bedrooms has remained a major taboo.” The biggest and most important step that we can take on the journey to better sex is to remove the stigma associated with talking about it. The sooner we are able to engage in open and honest discussion, the sooner we can share with our sexual partners what we need and when we are open to it.

Women need to be mentally ‘into the game.’ If she’s had a hard day, is under a large amount of stress, is working through feelings and emotions related to previous negative sexual experiences or is lacking connection with her partner, then there is little to no chance that she will be reaching climax regardless of how amazing her partner may be in bed. You can increase your chances by openly communicating when it is not a good time, including sufficient foreplay to help get you ‘in the mood,’ and sharing what activities you enjoy most during sexy time. Most importantly, try not to worry too much about your orgasm, and whether or not you will get there. The added stress may be the very thing that is holding you back!

Featured Image Via Windsing/Pixabay

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