Let’s not ‘beat around the bush here’ (or go for it, depending on how you choose to take that phrase). Americans love sex, and why wouldn’t we? Not only is it a TON of fun, and a great way to connect with your partner, but regular sex (assuming, of course, that it’s safe sex) is associated with a number of great health benefits including an improved immune system, lower blood pressure, greater heart health and lower stress levels. What better way to get in your physical activity and burn those calories?
Whether you’re into some kinky stuff, packing your drawers with whips and handcuffs, or a fan of a more sensual form of ‘lovemaking,’ the average American is hitting the sheets approximately 3 times every week, or 156 times each year.
There are many theories and ideas of ways to improve your passion and experience when it comes to your sex life, but there is one underlying secret that can ultimately make or break it. A shared experience, sex is about two (or more) people having fun together – as such, it stands to reason that it will go better if you’re both on the same page!
Here are 7 important points when it comes to asking your partner what you want and need sexually:
#1 – Vocalize What You Want
Every good, healthy relationship is based on communication. Why? Regardless of how close your connection may be, you still can’t read one another’s mind. If you don’t tell your partner what you like, don’t like, and what your expectations are in the bedroom then you can’t expect them to know. Share your thoughts, feelings, emotions, and desires.
#2 – Don’t Forget to Listen
This may seem obvious, and it goes hand in hand with the first point, but not everyone remembers this second key part of good communication. You aren’t having these conversations just to get your points across, or just to hear yourself speak. Make sure that you actively listen to what your partner is telling you, and that you put their requests into practice wherever possible and reasonable.
#3 – Choose the Right Setting
There is a time and place for everything, and that includes the necessary discussions surrounding your sex life. These conversations can be fun, but they can also be sensitive and awkward. Avoid doing it right after sex, choosing instead to pick a time when you can both come to the table with a clear mind. Allowing the conversation to come up naturally in conversation can avoid either party feeling targeted or attacked.
#4 – Porn Isn’t Always a Bad Thing
Porn often gets a bad wrap, with those who don’t support it pointing to the people who develop porn addictions, or the way that people are treated in various areas of the industry. While every couple should establish their own rules and boundaries as far as porn is considered, it can have a great impact on your relationship. Watching together can spark important conversations and introduce you both to new potential experiences.
#5 – Always Have Respect
Respect and trust are incredibly important, especially if you are looking to try out next experiences and test the boundaries with one another. Always keep your partner’s best interests in mind. It’s a two-way street, and the best sex is always built on a solid foundation of mutual respect. Make your partner a priority throughout the experience (the other priority is you).
#6 – Experiment with Foreplay
Foreplay can be a great way to discover what gets you all hot and bothered. You can experiment without pushing either of you too far through text messages. Send a few sexy and passionate messages hinting at things you want to try. This will allow you to gauge their reaction. Do you get the impression that it’s going well? Then turn up the heat a little! When you do make your way to the bedroom, try kissing and touching one another in new and exciting ways. Sex is all about fun if you allow yourself to let go of your inhibitions and worries.
#7 – It’s Okay to Have Desires
We are taught to work within the box of what is right and wrong to discuss, desire and enjoy in our sex lives. For some, these boxes work perfectly for them, but not for all, and that’s okay! You don’t have to play by anyone else’s rules. If you discover that there is nothing that gets your heart pounding more than a pair of fuzzy handcuffs, then let your freak flag fly!