Time and time again, I see women attempting to raise grown men. I see them pull these men from their proverbial ashes, and then attempt with all they have to help them grow, all the while forgetting that we cannot force another person to change.

Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s a noble act to try to help someone when they are down, but when a man says ‘She is making an honest man out of me,’ it makes me cringe. Why weren’t you an honest man before? Why weren’t you a man before? I understand that in some way they must mean it as a compliment, but honestly, it seems to be anything but.

What makes things even worse, are the neverending social media posts about ‘being a man’s peace.’ Uhm, what about my peace?

Why is it that we live in a society that tells us we must accept everyone for who they are, even when they are toxic? Why is it MY responsibility to raise and care for a man who acts like a teenager? Yes, I love helping others. And if a man is there on his side, doing his job, you know, acting like a grown up and not a child, then hell yeah, I’d fly to the moon and back for him.

However, I am not a rehabilitation center for someone’s horrible raise grown man-child to enter and flourish at the expense of my sanity.

In fact, when women need to step up and improve, 9/10 we are expected to do it on our own. And this is in a world where women make less money than men, are expected to look like sex goddesses 24/7 and are expected to mother and rehabilitate everyone else at the expense of everything we are told we should be.

We are expected to take a house and make it a home, take a boy and make him a man, take basic ingredients and make them a meal, and take ourselves from basic to glamorous at the drop of a dime. And while I enjoy many of these activities, I cannot be expected to be the person that transforms every deranged, self-loathing and barely matured man that enters into my life.

So, I have a better suggestion: please fellas, just stop. When you notice bad traits within yourself or have something you could work on and transform, transform yourself. Become a better version of yourself, and don’t do it because of me, do it for yourself. Stop expecting me to fix you. I will grow with you, but I cannot be in charge of watering your garden every time you neglect it.

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