You’ve found that amazing man that you’re SURE is ‘Mr. Right’, and the two of you are already starting to talk wedding bells – Congratulations! However, before you go walking down the aisle, there are a few red flags you should be watching out for.
The world of love, romance and dating can be a complicated one, where we find ourselves trying to sort through the dishonesty, deception and ‘fakeness’ in our search for something real and meaningful. This process can be incredibly frustrating, leaving us doubting our choices at every turn. While I would LOVE to tell you that there is some guaranteed method of determining if your relationship is meant to last before you exchange vows, it’s just not that easy. However, there are some warning signs that you should keep your eyes open for!
If you notice your man has any of these 13 habits, you may want to reconsider saying ‘I Do’:
#1 – Full of Excuses
Sure, there are going to be days that things don’t work according to plan, or you find yourself facing a bump in the road. However, pay attention to how often he’s ready with an excuse in hand to avoid holding up to his side of the responsibilities in your relationship. The truth is that, in many situations, these excuses can be overcome if you want it badly enough. If he’s handing you excuse after excuse, then he’s choosing not to do whatever it is that he’s avoiding. Don’t let him tell you otherwise.
#2 – No Personal Space
When you enter into a committed relationship you should genuinely want to spend your time together, obviously, but that doesn’t mean you should want to spend every second of every day together. In fact, the healthiest relationships actually maintain a certain level of personal space. You need time to go out with the girls or relax alone with a hot bath and a glass of wine. Whatever that ‘me’ time looks like for you, he needs to respect it. Don’t stick around if you’re feeling suffocated because it’s only going to lead to resentment.
#3 – Lack of Respect
Respect is one of the fundamental building blocks of a lasting, healthy relationship. If you notice that your partner isn’t showing you the respect that you deserve, or that he’s disrespecting you entirely, then take note. In fact, some experts even state that respect may be more important than love in a relationship! Pay attention to how your partner treats you – are you an equal, sharing mutual respect and facing this world together, or does your partner view you as somehow ‘lesser’ in your relationship?
#4 – Broken Promises
This is another example of a lack of respect in your relationship, but one that is worth noting in and of itself. If you notice that your partner is always talking the talk, but never following through on his promises, this is quickly going to lead to a break down of the trust in your relationship. This includes everything from the big promises like ‘I will love you forever’ right down to the little daily promises that we often make without even thinking about them, like ‘I will take the garbage out as soon as we get home’. If he can’t keep his word, this is a sign that your relationship is doomed to fail over time anyway. Spare yourself the wasted time and get out now.
#5 – Closed-Minded
This isn’t to say that he has to share every thought and opinion with you. In fact, differing ideas and opinions is part of what makes this world an interesting place! However, don’t waste your time with someone that is so closed-minded and pessimistic that it’s his way or the highway. You want to find a partner who is open-minded, willing to talk situations through with you, hearing your opinion and compromising at times (although don’t forget, you have to show him the same respect in return).
#6 – Treats Animals Poorly
This is a point that many people overlook, but the way that he treats animals. Psychologists state that there are links between the way that a person values the lives of the animals they encounter and the people that they meet. If someone is compassionate to their pets, this generally carries over. Meanwhile, many of the world’s serial killers started by abusing and killing animals. Sure, he may not be that extreme, but if he’s uncaring or even hateful towards animals, then watch out.
#7 – Lack of Maturity
A lasting relationship requires two adults, prepared to face the struggles of daily life together. You both need to be mature enough to handle your responsibilities, worth through your challenges and put the necessary effort into the relationship itself in order to keep it growing and developing. If your partner is childish or immature, you don’t need to settle for this. A relationship is a partnership, you’re not a babysitter. It’s not your job to take care of him.
#8 – Workaholic
While I’m not saying that it’s not a great thing to find a man that is willing to work hard and support his family, there needs to be a balance in your life. If you notice that your man is always putting his work life first, leaving you as an afterthought, then you should take note. He may try to explain it away as a challenging project in the works, or the push for an important promotion, but the truth is that this is never going to end. After this project there will be another, with each goal achieved, his eyes will be on the next. Are you prepared to live this way for the rest of your life?
#9 – Unfaithful
If there is one thing that most people state that they are looking for in a relationship, it is someone who is faithful and committed. If this is seen as so important, why do so many people struggle? From the lure of lust and sexual attraction to the emotional cheating that comes from connecting on an emotionally intimate level with another being, you don’t have to settle for less than someone who is completely present in your relationship. If he’s straying, cut him loose and find someone that’s prepared to make the commitment you desire.
#10 – Doesn’t Stop Fighting
Harsh truth – you are going to fight in your relationship, regardless of how good it may be. In fact, not fighting is a huge red flag. That means that someone is bottling something up versus getting it out and dealing with it. However, if you are fighting ALL the time then there is something wrong. Does he pick a fight about every last little detail? There are some people who truly thrive off drama and conflict, and you don’t need that in your life!
#11 – Won’t Fight Fair
When you are fighting, pay attention to how it is all going down. There are constructive disagreements in which a couple is working through something while still remaining respectful to one another. There are productive ways to ‘fight’ in a relationship, avoiding toxic attacks or extreme negativity. This will allow you to work through whatever you are currently dealing with while still avoiding severely hurting your partner’s feelings and emotions. If your partner, for example, jumps to attack you personally the second you disagree, it’s time to reassess your relationship.
#12 – Lies and Dishonesty
We live in a world where we are often taught that there is nothing truly harmful about a ‘little white lie’, after all, who are we hurting? The truth is that the second someone chooses to permit dishonesty in their relationship, they begin to create a divide, eroding the trust that the relationship is built on. If you discover your partner lied to you about one topic, you will likely find yourself wondering what else they are being dishonest about. Trust that is broken is hard to rebuild… If he gives you a reason to question his honesty, that’s a big red flag!
#13 – Abusive
While most would argue that this point is a given, I can’t finish this list without making mention of it. If your partner is abusive in any way, get out of the situation at the first chance available. This includes physical abuse, but don’t think that your partner has to actually lay a hand on you to be considered abusive! Emotional and mental abuse are also highly toxic and should not be tolerated under any circumstances. Regardless of what he may tell you, you’re better off without him!