Whether you saw it coming a mile away, your relationship slowly falling apart, or you find yourself completely blindsided, a breakup can be an incredibly difficult and emotional experience. While there is no secret to make a breakup completely pain-free, experts warn that there is one thing you should always avoid!

When you first fell head over heels in love you hoped that this day would never come. No one starts a relationship with the intention of someday having their heart broken. However, with an estimated 3 million first dates happening each and every day around the world, it’s inevitable that some of them just aren’t going to work out. When it comes to an end you have two choices, you can either allow this moment to define you and tear you down, or you can stand up, brush yourself off and get back to living your life.

I agree it’s easier than it sounds! It’s not going to happen overnight. While the end of a relationship is certainly different from the death of a loved one, you are still losing something that held importance in your life. For this reason, you need to allow yourself to go through the grieving process. You may shed some tears and that’s okay! Allow yourself to cry it out if that’s what you need. You may also find yourself feeling extreme anger and that’s also okay. Whatever you’re feeling, don’t try to sweep it away. The only way to let these feelings go is by working through them.

Ella Huerta, CEO, and founder of the heartbreak recovery app Mend warns, however, that there is one common mistake that you should avoid at all costs. What is this common error? Far too many people, she warns, respond to this heartbreak by telling themselves that no one will ever love them again.

“As hard as it is, remind yourself of this: ‘I am still lovable’. It may even help to write that on a post-it note and put it somewhere visible,” said Huerta. “We are often so fast to blame ourselves and become critical of everything we did or didn’t do in a relationship, in an effort to make sense of the breakup. But what you really need after a breakup is self-compassion. You were doing the best you could.”

It’s about a change in mindset. If you were to hand out chocolate chip cookies to everyone up and down your block, some may take them happily while others may turn up their nose. Just because one neighbor doesn’t like chocolate chip, it doesn’t make them any less delicious and valuable. In the same way, just because your relationship with one person doesn’t work out, that doesn’t change what you have to offer someone in the future. There is still someone out there for you!

Once you have allowed yourself to grieve the relationship that is lost, it’s time to look forward. You have a great future ahead of you, full of love and affection. You DESERVE the love that you have coming your way, but you need to believe it.

“Remember that when a relationship ends, it’s not your fault and it doesn’t mean you are unlovable or doomed to be alone. A relationship is a two-way street, and it takes two people to stay together or break up,” Huerta points out. “Would you ever blame your best friend, or pick your best friend apart if their relationship ended? Try to treat yourself with the same compassion you would treat your best friend, and it will make a huge difference.”

Love yourself, and the love of others will follow.

Image via Heartaches and Heartbreaks

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