Narcissists see the world and those in it much differently than you and I. When it comes to understanding why these people do the things they do you need to know their mindset when they do them.
When the narcissist first spots you he or she will think that they have to have you; that they can gain so much by being with you. You are seen as a pawn. While you think this is your ‘prince charming coming to sweep you off your feet.’ You’re getting something much more sinister.
They see you as their property, someone who they can do whatever they want to. Whether you decide you don’t want to be with the narcissist or not they will still perceive you as their property. The mind of a narcissist is very ‘me’ oriented, they are some of the most selfish people on this planet.
You are the center of their world, but only until they are able to force you into believing your life revolves around them, that you cannot exist without them. The narcissist has his or her own personal version of the truth and that is what you will be forced to accept whether you want to or not. The narcissist will wear you down over time and is not one to give up, ever.
Narcissists don’t see things as right or wrong in the ways that we do. They see things as “everything I do is right and everything you do is wrong.” They will manipulate you into seeing things from their perspective. For instance, If they make a mistake they will blame it on you because ‘you should have prevented it,’ or something along those lines. In the long run, you will end up walking on eggshells to try and keep the narcissist happy.
The narcissist will cut you off from your friends and family. He or she will control your every move. You will be nothing more than a personal robot, isolated from everyone who truly cares for you. You won’t even know who you are anymore, that is just the way the narcissist wants you to be. Nothing you do is ever enough and no matter how hard you try the narcissist is only going to bring you down. You will continue to be put down until things either run their course and you are discarded like trash or you come to your senses and get away while you still can.
Being with a narcissist has lasting adverse effects on us and while you may escape the relationship you can’t just get rid of those effects overnight. This is called narcissistic abuse syndrome and it is much more real than people like to admit. The symptoms of this are actually very similar to that of PTSD or post-traumatic stress disorder.
Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome symptoms are as follows:
You avoid thoughts about people or situations associated with the trauma. This is a way of coping/escaping reality. It doesn’t do much good but does pull the wool over the eyes of those who have experienced trauma for as long as they can manage it.
This can also come in the form of memories. These memories or thoughts will sneak up out of nowhere. Something small could trigger the most uncomfortable emotions.
Negative Thoughts About Self
You feel down and out like you just aren’t good enough. You may also experience negative thoughts about the world in general. It will seem as if nothing will ever get better but it will.
Sense of Detachment
They feel isolated from the rest of the world. No one understands them, they are unable to relate to anyone. It is a terribly ‘lonely’ feeling.
This could also come in the form of nightmares. Everyone experiences things differently so they could be mild or severe. These can really make getting through the day to day complicated.
Distorted Sense of Blame
This one is where you blame yourself for the trauma you have gone through. You don’t blame the narcissist, you blame yourself. You need to realize the abuse you experienced was not your fault.
Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome comes once you are separated from the narcissist and lasts until you are able to overcome it. The narcissist, however, doesn’t go through anything like this. He or she may be distressed about losing you if he or she was not done with you, but ultimately he or she will move on quite quickly, leaving you to pick up the pieces of yourself and move on.
If you have ever experienced narcissistic abuse you know that it is something no one should ever have to go through. In the mind of a narcissist exploiting others is considered ‘fun.’ Narcissists take pleasure in hurting those who care for them, and they do not really love anyone whether they claim to or not. Narcissists do the things they do because they only think about themselves, they have a mental illness and cannot simply be changed.
You cannot fix a narcissist. If you are in a relationship with someone like this please cut them out of your life and get back to who you were meant to be. You deserve better.