The idea of ‘choosing a husband’ can sound so methodical as if you’re out shopping for the best laptop or considering what insurance company to sign up with. While the real process is a little more complicated, I have to admit that there are some distinct similarities!
Sure, you want to find someone that you feel connected with. You want love and passion and all the feelings that we are promised growing up listening to tales of Happily Ever Afters, but did The Beatles really get it right when they sang that “Love is All You Need”? Experts disagree. While a strong foundation in love and compassion will certainly increase your chances of beating the current divorce rate, which is estimated at approximately 40-50%, there are a number of skills and traits that will set someone apart. Remember, you are searching for the person you can spend the rest of your life with, why would you settle for less?
From patience to compassion, integrity to the ability to listen – know what you are worth, and seek out someone who can compliment you and have a positive impact on your life. It is important to note that someone may be a great fit for a fun, casual dating situation while not measuring up to the bar you’ve set for a husband. There’s nothing wrong with that! Take the time to step back and reassess the situation – You want to find someone responsible and mature enough to survive stay strong, together, through the challenges that life will inevitably throw your way! Need some help identifying if he’s husband material?
Avoid these 15 mistakes women make when choosing a husband:
#1 – You Ignore the Red Flags
While some potential future problems may be hard to spot, there are others that are glaringly obvious. Don’t ignore any red flags that come up while you are dating. If there is something that causes you to step back and wonder, it’s catching your attention for a reason. Take it seriously.
#2 – You Marry to Fix Bigger Problems
If you are currently struggling with your relationship, don’t make the mistake of viewing marriage as a band-aid that will patch it up and make everything better. Sure, you may go through the honeymoon phase where everything feels great, but when that passes you will be left with the same relationship including all of its problems.
#3 – You Believe You Can Fix Him
Sure, there may be things about him that are less than ideal, but in time you can fix that right? WRONG! The truth is that you will never be able to fix someone that doesn’t want to be fixed, so don’t waste your time trying. Instead of settling for a ‘fixer upper,’ hold out until the ‘real deal’ comes along. It will be worth it.
#4 – You Marry for Money or Security
If you are currently struggling financially, don’t allow yourself to fall into the trap of believing that marrying someone with financial security is the solution to your problems. Marrying solely for money will lead to deep regret down the road. You don’t want to look back on your life feeling trapped by your dependency on his bank account.
#5 – You Tolerate Unacceptable Behaviors
He’s going to make mistakes, we all are, but if you tolerate unacceptable behaviors now know that they are not going to change after your vows have been exchanged. Don’t sit back and accept dishonesty, abuse, or any other hurtful or toxic behavior.
#6 – You Marry Out of Sympathy
If you are marrying someone simply because you are taking pity on them, rather than ending things and seeking out a better fit, this will likely end one of two ways – either your relationship will come crashing down hurting you both, or you will live a life of regret and disappointment. Why set yourself up to be hurt? Hold out for the real deal – hurting them a little now but not taking that step is kinder than the hurt they will feel if they find out down the road.
#7 – Forgetting to Ensure You Are on the Same Life Path
There are many different directions that someone may choose to go when it comes to their overall life plan. You may have dreams of starting a family while settling down in the suburbs, or remaining child-free, traveling the world. While there is no ‘right’ path, it is important to ensure that you both have the same future in mind.
#8 – You Marry for the Sake of Being Married
You grew up planning every detail of your dream wedding from the dress to the cake, the venue to the first dance. The only detail you didn’t care to focus on was the groom. If you still have that mindset today, you may jump into marrying anyone that will give you that dream wedding. Remember, you are deciding to spend your life with this person. You need to ensure that its someone that you want around, even on the challenging days.
#9 – You Feel Like You Have to Marry Him
There are many misconceptions in our society which might leave you feeling as though you are expected to say, ‘I Do’ and settle down. Maybe you have been dating for a long time and everyone is asking when you’re going to take that step, or you purchased a house together. Regardless of what you have or haven’t done, don’t be pressured into marrying him just because ‘that’s what you do.’
#10 – You Marry a Man for his Good Looks
If you have found some serious eye candy, and he’s showing interest in you, it can be hard to look past the obvious. Sure, you can obviously see yourself staring at that every day for the rest of your life, but don’t forget that he’s a living, breathing entity, not just a work of art. Make sure that you have a relationship built on more than just physical appearance.
#11 – You Choose Him Because Your Family/Friends Approve
You may feel as though there’s something missing, but if your friends and family approve then he must be ‘the one’, right? Wrong. While the people you trust can provide some powerful insight, and may be able to open your eyes to things you didn’t see previously, at the end of the day you’re the one getting married. If YOU don’t think it’s the right fit, then keep looking.
#12 – You Pass on Someone Due to Little Flaws/Quirks
Every one of us has our own flaws, quirks, and weaknesses. I will be the first to say that you shouldn’t ‘settle,’ but at the same time try to remember that anyone you are considering is human. You aren’t perfect, and you can’t expect them to be. When you find the right person, you will love them including these little ‘flaws.’
#13 – You Give in To an Ultimatum
If he issues you an ultimatum, such as saying you either marry him or the relationship is over, take a BIG step back. Don’t allow anyone to guilt or bully their way into a life with you, you deserve far better. You want to spend your life with someone you chose to be with because you felt it was right.
#14 – You Marry Someone with No Plans for the Future
He doesn’t have to have it ‘all figured out,’ but if a man has absolutely no plans for the future, then the odds are that he never will have one. This is the warning sign that he’s a lazy bum, looking for someone to carry the responsibility so that he can avoid stepping up. Don’t be his free ride.
#15 – You Ignore Your Gut
One of the strongest gifts that any woman has is her sense of intuition, don’t ignore it. If you get a bad gut feeling every time that you think about marriage and a future together with this guy, then you need to take a step back and reassess. There is something that has flagged subconsciously that you need to take the time to investigate.