If you’ve ever been through narcissistic abuse you know just how serious things are and how hard it is to really find yourself after all is said and done. Narcissists might not always be physically abusive but the psychological abuse they place on the people in their lives is quite damaging.
In this world, for some reason, we tend to downplay things like emotional abuse or psychological trauma which should not be happening. These things are very real and a lot of people have to endure them. Just because you were fortunate enough to avoid such situations does not mean everyone else can be so lucky.
For those who might somehow not be aware narcissists are people who suffer from something known as narcissistic personality disorder. This meaning they overall seem to lack empathy for the most part (or feel it in a different manner than others), think they are better than everyone else, come across as quite manipulative, and in many ways don’t care about the wellbeing of even those who love them. While at first, they may offer you all you’ve ever dreamed of and really sweep you off of your feet, their true colors will come out and when that happens everything you thought you knew about this kind of person will fall apart.
Below I am going to go over some of the things that people who have gone through narcissistic abuse tend to do that other people don’t often stop to consider the meaning behind. While these things might seem odd from the outside looking in, they help keep these people who were once victims safe while they heal. There is nothing wrong with doing what you feel you have to do in order to really find yourself and overcome your past.
11 Things People Don’t Understand You Do Because Of Past Narcissistic Abuse:
1. You try extremely hard to please people.
As someone who has gone through narcissistic abuse, you are in a place where you just want everyone to be happy. You go out of your way to please other people and are always doing more than you should be. It’s like even when you know you should be putting yourself first you still refuse to do-so.
2. Your sense of boundaries is warped or nonexistent.
The more you try to find yourself and set your boundaries the harder it becomes. You let people walk all over you and you don’t do much to really fight back. Other people see this and want to step in but a lot of the time they try to give you the chance to pick things up and make them right even if you end up never truly grasping the whole concept. Eventually, you will have your boundaries as they should be, it takes time.
3. You’re not able to truly trust anyone.
Because of the things you’ve gone through letting people in is almost impossible. You know that sometimes people are not what they seem so trusting others is hard. You are a very closed off person these days.
4. You find that you’re almost constantly comparing yourself to others.
Since the person who abused you was always comparing you to other people that toxic behavior has remained with you. While you should be living your life and comparing yourself to no one, you seem to be struggling. You see people who are doing well and right off the bat feel the need to see what areas you’re lacking in when it comes to the side by side comparison.
5. You close yourself off from other people.
Rather than being open and willing to make new friends, you’re extremely closed off. You like to keep your circle small and are not willing to really let others in. You do not do well with strangers and try your best to avoid situations in which you may end up being introduced to new people.
6. You doubt yourself and your worth as a whole.
Sure, it might not seem like it but you are worth so much more than you realize. You are always doubting yourself and questioning whether or not you deserve to be free from the abuse you have faced. You are going to have to seriously work through this one and it’s not going to just get better overnight.
7. You have no idea what you want anymore.
Rather than being sure of yourself and aware of what you want in life, you’re stuck. You don’t know where to go from here and you’re not sure if the things you once wanted are still things you want now. Through finding yourself you can also come to terms with this one but it again isn’t going to be something you can accomplish in the blink of an eye.
8. You refuse to see the glass as half-full.
While you should be seeing the glass as half-full for some reason you’re not capable. You always look at things as if they’re facing the bad side. Sometimes you need to be willing to face the positive side of things as well.
9. You struggle to get away from and stay away from toxic people.
Toxic people are everywhere and while a lot of us work to avoid them, you seem quite drawn to them. You need to know how to read people and work more towards making people prove themselves before giving them a real chance. Sure, love is still possible for you but it’s not going to just jump out and smack you in the face, let someone work their way into your life and see where things go from there.
10. You are not excited about the things that you once were.
Because you’ve changed so much as a result of the things you’ve faced you are no longer the same person you were before the situation occurred. You have a different perspective now and you need to figure out what you want as you progress. Life is not always what it seems.
11. You set yourself up to fail, time and time again.
You are always setting yourself up to fail. Even when things seem perfect and as if they’re going to go over great, you find some way to make them fall through. This is all out of fear and should be something you let go off as soon as you are able to realize what you’re doing.