Your sexual connection is an incredibly important part of any happy and healthy relationship. In fact, The Independent reported that differences in sexual libido made the list as one of the top 10 reasons that marriages in the United States fail.
Sex was once a taboo topic, reserved for the safety of our private bedrooms. Even the idea of discussing one’s intimate life with their partner was seen as shameful. Fast forward to today, where the conversations of sex and the ever-growing list of different interests and fetishes are far more widely accepting. Look at the company Pure Romance. Their entire business is built on the idea of women-only parties centered around the discussion and sales of sex toys, lubricants, and costumes. In 2016 the company reported more than 25,000 consultants across Canada and the United States!
Americans are searching for the secret to a better, more fulfilling sex life. Putting their money where their mouth is, experts have estimated that the global sex toys market will exceed $29 billion by the year 2020. Does the answer lie in a toy, movie or sexy outfit, or is there something more to it? There are a number of ways that you can improve your sex life without spending your next paycheck.
Try these 11 tricks to a better sex life:
If you are trying sex therapy, be open and honest.
If you and your partner have decided to see a sex therapist, don’t lie or hold back your true feelings. Unless you are open and honest you will merely be wasting your time. If you are looking to get something out of the experience you need to embrace it.
Don’t fear asking your doctor questions.
Do you have questions about your sexual health or the way that it may impact your ability to have a healthy sex life? There is likely no question that a doctor hasn’t already heard.
Be honest about your personal and moral limits.
If you don’t share what you consider to be appropriate and inappropriate in a relationship, you can’t expect your spouse to know and follow your rules. While there are some topics that are black and white, others, like the use of porn or visiting gentleman’s clubs, are a grey area.
Always be prepared with reliable birth control.
Unless you are physically incapable of conceiving, concerns about a surprise pregnancy are likely lingering in the back of your mind anytime that you are engaging in sexual activity. Eliminate the stressor and enjoy the moment by taking the necessary precautions.
Kiss one another more often.
Believe it or not, the act of kissing your partner is actually more intimate than sexual intercourse. Use this as an opportunity to feel closer and more connected. Kiss hello, kiss good night, and any other opportunity that presents itself.
Maintain open communication with your partner.
There is no better way to ensure that both you and your partner are able to enjoy a happy sex life together than understanding what leaves each other feeling satisfied. Openly discussing your fantasies, desires, and boundaries will open the door to mutually enjoyable experiences.
Don’t turn sex into a requirement.
If you are not feeling up to it, that’s ok. Being in a relationship doesn’t mean that you are required to have sex at specific times. If you aren’t feeling it, the overall experience will not be enjoyable for everyone involved. Save it for next time when you’re both on board.
Acknowledge that it is okay to be curious about same-gender sex, even if you identify as heterosexual.
Whether you are fascinated by same-gender porn, carrying around fantasies of a same-gender experience or acting on these curiosities engaging in a same-gender experience, this curiosity is entirely normal.
Take the opportunity to live out your fantasies together.
Your spouse is the one person you should feel safe and secure with, your friend and partner in this life. What better person than to try the different activities and experience that you have always been curious about or desired to try?
Don’t forget the lube.
There are many reasons that a woman may not be producing enough lubricant for a comfortable and enjoyable sexual experience. Don’t allow this to ruin the moment! Store lube in your night table so that it is easily accessible. Also, don’t wait until you ‘need’ it, as that will be too late to enjoy the moment. Use it every time you have intercourse.
Don’t give up.
Most importantly, above all else, stick with it. The second that you give up you can kiss your chances of ever having a happy sex life together goodbye. It may take some time, effort experimentation and communication, but the sex life you desire is always within your reach.
Inspired by an article written by Marty Klein PhD for Psychology Today.