We have all been guilty of venting about our significant other at one point or another. And while we generally consider venting to be a normal thing, should we be doing it?
Even I have done this, venting to friends and even family sometimes just feel like the right thing to do. That being said, it can damage your relationship more than you know. When we do this those we vent to are only being told one side of things. It can cause them to hate your significant other and drive a wedge into your relationship.
Think about it this way, you are upset and go crying to a friend. You then vent to your friend only to go home and work things out with your significant other. Your friend is now upset with your partner for you having been so upset in the first place all the while things in your relationship are fine. It creates a lot of confusion.
Don’t get me wrong, occasionally you have to talk about things with friends or family, but there is a fine line between healthy and unhealthy talking. Depending on how you look at it, when you vent you are also in a sense betraying your partner’s trust. Would you want him/her talking shit behind your back? Didn’t think so.
A lot of the time we end up asking our friends for advice that we don’t actually take anyway. It is, for the most part, one of the most counterproductive things we could possibly do. All couples go through ups and downs, we should be dealing with them on our owns for the most part.
Psychologist and counselor Karla Ivankovich told WomensHealthMag as follows:
“Battles in a romantic relationship are often fleeting, but when we share those disagreements with friends, it cements these fights into a pattern of hurt that others perceive us to be experiencing.”
“It’s human nature to judge others, and your friends are looking out for your best interest, repeated patterns of negativity may signal a much bigger problem to them.”
“We get fixated on the negative so you need to provide counterpoints. If all that your friends hear about your relationship are your problems, they have no other choice but to perceive your partner in a negative light.”
If you are going through something you absolutely have to mention to a friend or family member, give them some of the good along with the issue at hand. Don’t make your partner out to be a monster or always the bad guy. Tell it like it is rather than being caught up in your anger or sadness. Don’t get me wrong, if you are being abused please speak out but if you are a mere chronic complainer, STOP.
That being said, venting in all ways tends to make our problems worse. Think twice before complaining apparently it really isn’t doing you any good.
Featured image Matt Samsonivich