With nine total symptoms that can be taken into consideration for the borderline personality, there is quite a bit of room for differences in those with the disorder.
Unfortunately, because of that, there can be a lot of confusion regarding who does and doesn’t fit the diagnosis.
With that being said, I personally have had much difficulty in having my personal struggle taken seriously because I don’t fit the normal definition of someone with BPD. Actually, I am excessively high-functioning and most people don’t even realize I have a mental disorder unless they know me. However, I am suffering all the same. If I could tell the world anything about having high-functioning BPD it would be this:
1. I may be smiling, but on the inside, I am a mess.
Despite my smiles and my laughter, I am still bpd, and the inside of my mind is a war zone.
2. Just because I am able to hold a conversation does not mean that it is easy.
My social anxiety makes conversation feel impossible, but somehow I am able to squeeze out enough words to not look like a total fool. However, don’t mistake that for ease.
3. I am always on autopilot, and it drives me crazy. (No pun intended.)
I feel like I spend the majority of my time on autopilot, or in a disassociative state. Sadly, because of this, I am never truly in the moment and much of my life is one big blur.
4. I feel like I am constantly struggling to prevent the true me from coming out.
Despite the fact that I appear to get all of my responsibilities taken care of, it feels like I am juggling two personalities. One of them is insane and the other is totally sane, and it feels like the crazy one is always trying to take over.
5. Sometimes, I lose control for a little while and go from high-functioning to low-functioning.
And it only takes a second to make that change. Sadly, I am always terrified it will happen.
6. Just because I can be alone, doesn’t mean that I want to be.
While most people can enjoy alone time, it feels like a special kind of hell for me to have to be alone with my thoughts. However, because I am stubborn, I fight this part of myself and try to have alone time. Sometimes, this backfires on me.