No one WANTS to go through a breakup. Even when they are amicable, they are often a sad experience as we say goodbye to what we once believed was our future.
While we would like to think that we will always know when it’s time, able to see when a relationship is simply not working, the signs aren’t always as obvious as we would like for them to be. In fact, many of the earliest signs that this relationship may not be ‘meant to last’ are often overlooked or unnoticed. However, if you can open your eyes to these subtle signs that the time has come to reassess your current situation then you may be able to avoid major heartbreak down the road.
The sad truth is that not every relationship is meant to work out in the long run. Some people are going to come into our lives for a short period of time, teaching us an important less or bringing us comfort and support during a difficult time, however, when their job is over they will move on. This doesn’t mean that the relationship was any less meaningful, it simply wasn’t meant for the long haul.
12 Signs That You Have Been Avoiding an Inevitable Breakup:
#1 – One or both of you avoid working through your problems.
Here’s a dose of harsh reality, relationships are going to bring problems. Things are not always going to be sunshine and rainbows, and you are going to struggle. No one wants to consider this side of relationships per say, but it’s the truth. A healthy relationship, however, involves two people that are willing to work together through these challenges. It’s going to be hard and it’s going to be messy, but you know that you genuinely want to be together at the end of the day, and you’re willing to put in the time and effort to make that happen. If, however, either one or both of you go out of your way to avoid these problems, brushing them aside and pretending that they simply don’t exist, this is a recipe for disaster.
#2 – You don’t share common visions of the future.
If you were to ask every successful couple out there to each individually share their vision of the future they may vary slightly, but they are generally headed in the same direction. Our plans and vision for our future may change or shift over time, and it is important to be honest with one another. If you are united, you will be able to run together towards whatever future you both want, overcoming life’s obstacles together. If, however, you don’t share a common vision of the future then it’s time to reconsider the longevity of your relationship. There is nothing wrong with wanting different things, but you need to be honest with one another before it causes even more hurt down the road.
#3 – You find that you are starting to do more things on your own.
There was once a time when you truly enjoyed one another’s company, trying to include each other in as much of your day to day activities as you could. However, in time you have noticed that you start to do more and more things on your own, focusing on making yourself healthy. It’s not that you don’t still care for your partner, but on a subconscious level, you have already started to acknowledge that you aren’t going to find true happiness together. If you’ve started separating your lives, then it’s time to step back and consider why you are continuing the relationship. If being apart is going to make you both happier, than it may be time to say goodbye.
#4 – You don’t see eye to eye on the things that you consider to be ‘non-negotiable.’
We each have a few things in life that we simply aren’t willing to compromise on. This may be whether or not you want to have children, your religious views, where you want to live for the rest of your life or the morals and beliefs that you believe to be important. Ideally, we would all share these things early enough in the relationship that we will be able to identify if the relationship is doomed from the start, however, if one of these points has come up down the road then it’s time to be honest with yourself. If you truly believe you are never going to change your mind, then you need to find someone that is going to share these convictions. It may be time to part ways amicably before this causes your relationship to blow up.
#5 – You no longer have sex with one another, and you don’t care.
Physical intimacy is an incredibly important point in any relationship, however, it’s not always going to be easy. Over the course of a relationship, you will see highs and lows, times when you are both incredibly sexually satisfied and those that may leave you wanting. That, however, is the key – even in the lows you are both still wanting. The day that you no longer care if you are having sex at all with your partner is the day that your relationship becomes nothing more than a friendship. Sure, friendships are great and should be treasured in life, but we all deserve to have that one person that is so much more. If you feel like friends or roommates instead of lovers, then it may be time to amicably head your separate ways in search of someone that gives you butterflies in your stomach.
#6 – You feel completely disconnected from one another despite your best attempts.
Your relationship likely started off great, with the two of you connecting over a number of things from shared interests to life views and goals for the future. However, at some point, you started to drift apart. You likely can’t even pinpoint exactly when it started, but here you are today. If you’ve made attempts to reconnect and nothing appears to be working, this may be a sign that this is a relationship that isn’t meant to last forever, and that’s okay! Each relationship comes into our life for a different reason, and this one simply may not have been to be your ‘forever’ partner.
#7 – You realize that you are constantly making excuses for your partner to friends and family.
We all have those little quirks and flaws that may annoy or frustrate our partner, but they are generally small and fairly easy to overlook. If, however, there are bigger problems in the relationship then it’s time to take note. Often, when faced with this reality, people will retreat to a place of denial where they go out of their way to make excuses for their partner’s actions, explaining them away to family and friends as if they are simply a one-off or something unimportant. Don’t fall into this trap. If you have to apologize to your loved ones or make excuses for your partner’s behavior, then you need to reassess whether you are truly happy in this relationship.
#8 – You don’t trust one another.
There are certain fundamental building blocks required in order to build a healthy, stable and lasting relationship, and one of these points is trust. Whether you overlooked the fact it was missing right from the beginning (a sign that you should have avoided getting into the relationship, to begin with) or something happened along the way causing you to lose that trust in one another, if you can’t regain that trust then it is time to accept that this relationship simply isn’t mean to work out long term.
#9 – You feel as though there are more bad times than good in your relationship.
Relationships are a rollercoaster ride of highs and lows. You’re going to have times of great celebration, and you are also going to face incredible lows. However, in a healthy, positive relationship the good outweighs the bad bringing you happiness and joy overall. After all, if you aren’t happy why would you continue to put yourself through the pain? Take a moment to look back at your relationship and take note of both the good and the bad moments. If you notice that there is more bad than good, then it’s time to reconsider the situation. You may be able to take steps to turn the relationship around, changing the balance of good and bad. If not, however, then you need to find someone that makes you feel happy.
#10 – You no longer feel the desire to keep trying.
Relationships aren’t easy, sure, but if you find that the struggles, challenges, and effort required are more than the benefits that you are seeing from this relationship then you may no longer have the desire to keep going. Relationships are going to take work, so if you’ve hit the point that you aren’t interested in putting that work into it, then it’s time to admit that this may not be the relationship for you moving forward.
#11 – You only remain in this relationship because it’s more comfortable to stay together than it is to leave.
You would actually be surprised how common this is. After all, we are creatures of habit. If you have the realization that this is where you’re at, then it’s time to consider your options. While it may be easier right now to simply stay put, you are robbing yourself of the opportunity to find someone who can bring you true joy and happiness. It’s time to be honest both with yourself and with your partner. It doesn’t mean that there is anything wrong with either one of you, this simply isn’t the person that you are going to find happiness with for the years to come. Relish the memories but take the risk and seek out true happiness. You deserve it.
#12 – You fail to reach true emotional intimacy with one another.
Emotions can be difficult. While some people are incredibly open with how they are feeling, wearing their heart on their sleeve, while others will go out of their way to keep their emotions buried from the world. However, when you enter into a relationship with one another you need to learn to overcome this and open up. Vulnerability is important, it’s a sign of trust and it allows you to connect on a deeper and meaningful level. There are many reasons you may not be able to reach this point – trauma from your past, previous toxic relationships, or your partner may have given you a reason to maintain barriers. Regardless of the reason, if you aren’t able to establish emotional intimacy then you will never truly connect with one another the way you need to in order to be content in a relationship.